  I'm Pisces, what's YOUR sign, sugar? ... Once you have viewed this, there's no turning back. Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an astrologist (ha-ha, no kidding!). Read your sign, then pass it on, with your zodiac sign stated at the top. This is a real blog-chain deal, try ignoring it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from there (Do you hear the theme from The Twilight Zone playing?).... So come on ... spill it! ... if you are the first person who enters my blog tonight, (or even if you're not, LOL) you are responsible for picking another blogger and passing it on, got it? READY ... SET ... GO! VIRGO (The One that Waits) Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward. SCORPIO (The Addict) EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward. LIBRA (The Lame One) Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you wanna mess with... you might end up crying .. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward. ARIES (The Liar) Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser. EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward. AQUARIUS (Does It In The Water) Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward. GEMINI (Irresistible) Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Very Good in the you know where ... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward. LEO (The Lion) Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward. CANCER (The Cutie) MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward. PISCES (The Partner for Life) Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward. CAPRICORN (The Passionate Lover) Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not forward. TAURUS (The Tramp) Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward. SAGITTARIUS (The Promiscuous One) Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with, you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward. Okay here's the thing, you can't pass this back to the person who passed it this to you so good luck! the other hard part is that last one with this will have bad luck! I got sent this by Secret in an email, and I thought it might make a fun blog game, so here ya go! Whose brave enough to say they're first? and who are you passing it to, huh? Let's get this list going! READY ......... SET............ GO! | |||
Bella's Cathouse is Open ...
Use It...or Lose It...
In my new management position, its taken up a lot of time, and my responsibilities really preclude my taking any real vacation time, so I still have 80 hours this year, and can only carry over 40 hours. As you know it is the last week of the year, and I do not want to necessarily take vacation time away from my desk, but I do feel that some compensation is in order, don't you?
Last year, when I was still hourly and not salaried, I took my vacation in the form of money, as a check to help with bills and expenses, which worked well for me. I sent an email asking if they would consider doing that with this 40 hours I may lose if I don't take. Next year, you can bet your sweet ass that I am taking every dang day I got.
I really hate asking for compensation on the 40, but I could use the money. Its not like I am going to get rich, and after all that would make up for a bonus I didn't get either? What would you do?
*I got a reply to my email, which stated, "No unfortunately (to my request of receiving money compensation), There are many employees losing vacation time.*
Well, I guess even though there is really no one who can cover my job, that is not my problem, and they will have to come up with something this next year because I will take every day I am allocated.
too many reindeer games...
I noticed at some point in the morning when I had to get up out of my nice warm bed to pee, I was stiff as a board and my muscles hurt, and then this morning when coming down the stairs even my hips hurt. Was I rode hard and put up wet?! and more importantly why don't I remember? Perhaps Mamaw (as Bella calls me) did get run over by a reindeer!
Ahhhh yes...I just figured it out. Its those darn reindeer Wii games. That bowling game, which is tons of fun, along with the Just Dance moves, which Bella and I engaged in yesterday wore my muscles out since they aren't used to such hard work, and made me sore!
Yep, I must totally be out of shape, like I didn't know that already...something to work on in the New Year.
so tell me, what toys did Santa bring you?
The Hot Night Before Christmas Party...
‘Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house,
all Ya’ll was drunk
‘cept for the mouse.
The stockings were scattered
and panties were too,
for all who came by
to see what you do.
The children, ‘cross town
where carols, they’ll sing,
while you and your friends
party and swing.
Me in my thong
and you, without pants,
all watched from the couch,
the prostitutes dance.
Our new friends this evening
now know us too well,
and all who are with us
hope no one will tell.
When up on the roof
we heard such a noise
like the pulsing vibrations
of our favorite toys.
While out on the lawn
arose such a clatter,
but we were all stoned
so it didn’t matter.
When in walked the vice squad,
warrants and all,
and you said, “He’s cute,”
pointing at one tall.
And he said, “Hands up,
and do what you’re told.”
But you replied, “Bondage
is getting so old!”
So down at the station
they dragged us all in.
I called my bondsman
to make bail again.
But my bondsman was busy
with problems his own.
Seems he’s in here with us
and no one’s at home.
It’s the night before Christmas
and we’re all in jail.
Do you think Dear Ol’ Santa
might go our bail?
Then we could all party again, New Year’s.
Christmas Is For Love...
Mark was an 11 year old orphan who lived with his aunt, a bitter middle aged woman greatly annoyed with the burden of caring for her dead sister’s son. She never failed to remind young Mark, if it hadn’t been for her generosity, he would be a vagrant, homeless waif. Still, with all the scolding and chilliness at home, he was a sweet and gentle child.
I had not noticed Mark particularly until he began staying after class each day (at the risk of arousing his aunt’s anger, I later found) to help me straighten up the room. We did this quietly and comfortably, not speaking much, but enjoying the solitude of that hour of the day. When we did talk, Mark spoke mostly of his mother. Though he was quite small when she died, he remembered a kind, gentle, loving woman, who always spent much time with him.
As Christmas drew near however, Mark failed to stay after school each day. I looked forward to his coming, and when the days passed and he continued to scamper hurriedly from the room after class, I stopped him one afternoon and asked why he no longer helped me in the room. I told him how I had missed him, and his large gray eyes lit up eagerly as he replied, “Did you really miss me?”
I explained how he had been my best helper. “I was making you a surprise,” he whispered confidentially. “It’s for Christmas.” With that, he became embarrassed and dashed from the room. He didn’t stay after school any more after that.
Finally came the last school day before Christmas. Mark crept slowly into the room late that afternoon with his hands concealing something behind his back. “I have your present,” he said timidly when I looked up. “I hope you like it.” He held out his hands, and there lying in his small palms was a tiny wooden box.
“Its beautiful, Mark. Is there something in it?” I asked opening the top to look inside. ”
“Oh you can’t see what’s in it,” He replied, “and you can’t touch it, or taste it or feel it, but mother always said it makes you feel good all the time, warm on cold nights, and safe when you’re all alone.”
I gazed into the empty box. “What is it Mark,” I asked gently, “that will make me feel so good?” “It’s love,” he whispered softly, “and mother always said it’s best when you give it away.” And he turned and quietly left the room.
So now I keep a small box crudely made of scraps of wood on the piano in my living room and only smile as inquiring friends raise quizzical eyebrows when I explain to them that there is love in it.
Yes, Christmas is for gaiety, mirth and song, for good and wondrous gifts. But mostly, Christmas is for love.
- Author Unknown
Merry Christmas, bloggers
Hope Santa brings you everything you want for Christmas, and blessings to you in the coming Year.
What I want Santa can't bring necessarily. I would like to have personal love back in my life. Long distance relationships are hard, especially when each have other responsibilities, even families. He was never really mine, he was only borrowed. I gave him love wholeheartedly, still love him, so I wait for some Christmas miracle of sorts...like him showing up at my doorstep with only Santa boots and a red cap on! ha!
or him driving up, tooting a car horn and surprising me with a car for Christmas that I so desperately need...ha! I know that's a fantasy right there...lol...but nevertheless I miss him...I miss not having that personal love and affection.
This year has been a trying one in a lot of ways. Family issues, legal issues, custody issues, 18 year old don't know what the hell they want to do issues, work issues...all without personal love. damn. Half the time I don't know whether I'm coming or going, some days up, some days down, some times I just don't care, whatever it takes to remain sane, ya know. A nap? Yeah, I could use one of those too.
I seem to be in this melancholy mood here the last couple of days. I've been thinking about my root family, my mother, father, siblings... ho.ho.humbug. My mother and father have both passed away, and even though all my siblings are alive but one, we hardly ever see each other. Yep, I've been good all year, for years, but Santa never brings me a dag gone thing. That's life in Appalachia, living small and hard.
I am truly grateful for little Bella to be living with me, and be safe here, and I need to remind myself of blessings I have like health, a job, a roof over my head and food in the cupboards. However it seems I owe my mortgage escrow $150 bucks, so much for me having any money sliding into the New Year, ha!
on that note, I'll say, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnite."
Homemade Holiday Delights...
OMGosh!! Seeing that tub of creamed pulled candy brought back memories of my 90 year old Aunt Minnie, who would every holiday make pulled creamed candy that was a pure delight and melted in your mouth!
Aunt Minnie always seemed 90 years old to me my whole childhood. Bless her heart. I have nothing but fond memories of her and creamed candy! but I could never forget her husband, Uncle Ritchie, who spent his days rubbing his chair arm and clacking his teeth after a stroke, not able to really communicate his needs. Their daughter, Christine, was the closest thing to God that I ever knew. She spent nearly everyday in the church, was a Sunday school teacher and church organist, and paid for my sister and I to take piano lessons. She was the most giving, loving, and soft spoken person who spent her whole life with her parents and helped take care of them until they passed away.
I wondered if Mom Blakeman’s could live up to Aunt Minnie’s creamed candy, and I was pleasantly surprised that it melted in my mouth. It was absolutely delicious! Just like Aunt Minnie’s…
I went to the website. Here is the link if you’d like to order you some pulled creamed candy. Established in 1961 by "Mom" Blakeman, it remains a family owned and operated company in Kentucky dedicated to producing the highest quality creamed pull candy available. Light, rich, flaky and hand-made with pure butter and sugar, it really does melt in your mouth.
Yep, it definitely does melt in your mouth, no kidding!
I Want Cot For Christmas...
The Storm, 1880
Pierre-Auguste Cot (French, 1837–1883)
I have to admit I had "a crush" on this painting. I had come across it somewhere online a few years ago. On a trip to New York a friend surprised me by taking me to see the original painting at the MOMA (Metropolitan Museum of Art).
All I can say is wow! It was larger than life. This picture certainly does not do this painting justice let me tell you. It is absolutely gorgeous, so after that I was totally in love with this painting.
It has always enthralled me, always will.
Did you ever just see a painting you absolutely had to have?
I want this one, the original, its hard to hang a copy when you've seen the original.
Do you think the MOMA would ever sell it to the highest bidder? If not perhaps I could employ an art thief to steal it...
I guess I'll be disappointed again when Christmas comes and its not taking up my whole livingroom!
Shopping with Bella...
I try every year to expand the shopping experience by exploring the wideworld net in search of those unique Christmas gifts...
for the smoker in your life....
No one likes to stand in the rain alone, yet smokers everywhere are constantly forced to smoke outside. So what's a smoker to do when it's raining and they just have to get their puff on?
The Smoker's Umbrella is the ultimate solution for cigarette lovers who are caught in the cold. The kit comes with an ash tray attachment and an adorable cigarette-styled carrying case.
Know someone completely morbid? Maybe someone who hates rodents? Well, I'm sure there's someone on your list who would like genuine, freeze-dried squirrel feet earings. haha! I'm gonna get my MIL a pair of those! She's so fashionable (or thinks she is!)
Please don't ask me where they get the feet, I sincerely don't want to know. Of course, if you do buy these for someone, you might want to make sure you don't spend too much time with them afterwards. After all, buying earrings for someone doesn't mean you ever want to be seen with the person wearing them.
Try some fun with Fundies!
For those couples who share everything...and doesn't accept that there is such a thing as too much intimacy.
Underwear for two, is a great gift for those annoying couples who are pretty much joined at the hip anyway. You never know, maybe getting a gift like this will make them realize how clingy they've been, and hopefully, they won't be so damn annoying anymore.
It could just be the gift that keeps on giving.
If you know someone who likes to rock out with their ass out, then this iCarta (pictured below) is the perfect gift for them. Finally the serenity of bathroom sessions can be brought up to pace with the modern world as you combine a love of clearing bowels with a love of rock and roll.
This makes a great gift for women who are too insecure to use the toilet while other people can hear them. Of course, if they realize that people then start to associate music playing in the bathroom with their pooping, then they'll have even more issues to deal with.
that's it today, for this edition of shopping with Bella; join us next time, until then happy shopping!
If any of these above items interest yuns, go buy it here.
and last but not least...
In the spirit of the Wild West, this holster keeps his beer ready for a quick draw whenever the need arises. Made of rugged leather, it snaps onto any standard belt and the adjustable nylon strap wraps around the thigh for additional support. A fun accessory for parties and tailgates, it also makes a convenient holder when he needs his hands free for grill duty.
Exclusively from RedEnvelope.
made of rugged leather
adjustable nylon strap for additional support
holster fits a 12 oz. can or bottle
Yes, click the link and get yuns one! How much does it cost? It ain't cheap! but there are lots of nice gifts on this site.
for the smoker in your life....
The Smoker's Umbrella is the ultimate solution for cigarette lovers who are caught in the cold. The kit comes with an ash tray attachment and an adorable cigarette-styled carrying case.
Please don't ask me where they get the feet, I sincerely don't want to know. Of course, if you do buy these for someone, you might want to make sure you don't spend too much time with them afterwards. After all, buying earrings for someone doesn't mean you ever want to be seen with the person wearing them.
Try some fun with Fundies!
Underwear for two, is a great gift for those annoying couples who are pretty much joined at the hip anyway. You never know, maybe getting a gift like this will make them realize how clingy they've been, and hopefully, they won't be so damn annoying anymore.
It could just be the gift that keeps on giving.
If you know someone who likes to rock out with their ass out, then this iCarta (pictured below) is the perfect gift for them. Finally the serenity of bathroom sessions can be brought up to pace with the modern world as you combine a love of clearing bowels with a love of rock and roll.
that's it today, for this edition of shopping with Bella; join us next time, until then happy shopping!
If any of these above items interest yuns, go buy it here.
and last but not least...
In the spirit of the Wild West, this holster keeps his beer ready for a quick draw whenever the need arises. Made of rugged leather, it snaps onto any standard belt and the adjustable nylon strap wraps around the thigh for additional support. A fun accessory for parties and tailgates, it also makes a convenient holder when he needs his hands free for grill duty. Exclusively from RedEnvelope.
made of rugged leather
adjustable nylon strap for additional support
holster fits a 12 oz. can or bottle
Yes, click the link and get yuns one! How much does it cost? It ain't cheap! but there are lots of nice gifts on this site.
A Pre-Lit Thanksgiving
Since Bella Rose is living with me this year, we are doing holidays a little differently. For Thanksgiving, I told her I would take her to the restaurant of her choice, and then afterwards we would go see a movie, and that's just what we did!
After we got home from the movies she wanted to put up the Christmas tree. Last year it was her and I putting up the tree; first time in a couple of years I really enjoyed doing this; also the first time I used my mother's collected ornaments since she died in 2004. I had just hung onto them, and last year it felt right. My mom was so close to little Isabella, said she was her "rosebud." Holidays always bring my mother to mind, and my Dad, too. I miss them.
Anyway, this is a 7-foot tree with prelit white lights that I got up from the basement only to assemble, plug in, and WTF?
Perfect if they work, right? A nightmare if they don't.
Yeah, the bottom part of the tree lights go on, and only some of the middle do, but the top well, it ain't working at all.
So, here I am, frustrated, wrestling apart this 7 foot tree that has probably 3000 white lights to try to narrow down the problem...(non-prelit *bleep*! how dare you not work!). So, since the directions were long lost many years ago I presume, I get online and google to see if possibly there is a quick fix to this prelit nightmare, and some say check the fuse.
Okay so where in the heck is a fuse on a Christmas tree?! Then upon further investigation they say its in the plug?...parallel to the prongs? I'm looking at the plug-in (which are many in this extension of a tree) and just don't see it. Finally! after much prodding and poking around on the plug I figure it out. You have to slide something up on the side, and underneath are two fuses! Wow, who would have thunk?!
Finally got that figured out; however, the fuses didn't look bad, but my! what a pain in the ass to get out! (there's gotta be an easier way)...after the fuses I try to plug it in, its deader than 4 o'clock, doesn't even blink! (damn blinkity-blink non-blinking *bleep*! after all that work! ha!)...so I'm thinking what now? Sit down and try to figure out which of the 3000 white lights look like they've burnt out? and replace? Are you fruckin' kidding me? hell noooo!
Okay, okay so I gave in. I tried that on the very top part, spending upwards of an hour, and then checking the fuse, and when I plugged it in expecting it to light, you guessed it...(damn blinkity-blink non-blinking *bleep*!) Yep, not to mention just trying to pull those things out of their tight light socket, and place them back in was hard, they are way too snug...not that my efforts did any good anyway!
Pre-Lit tree BAH HUMBUG!
I won't ever buy another pre-lit tree!
So, today, the day after the pre-lit tragedy, we salvaged the tree by putting it back together, and placing a string of colored lights, kinda sick of the anemic white ones anyway, and proceeded to decorate it anyway! Its beautiful!
We did good. Mom would be proud.
After we got home from the movies she wanted to put up the Christmas tree. Last year it was her and I putting up the tree; first time in a couple of years I really enjoyed doing this; also the first time I used my mother's collected ornaments since she died in 2004. I had just hung onto them, and last year it felt right. My mom was so close to little Isabella, said she was her "rosebud." Holidays always bring my mother to mind, and my Dad, too. I miss them.
Anyway, this is a 7-foot tree with prelit white lights that I got up from the basement only to assemble, plug in, and WTF?
Yeah, the bottom part of the tree lights go on, and only some of the middle do, but the top well, it ain't working at all.
So, here I am, frustrated, wrestling apart this 7 foot tree that has probably 3000 white lights to try to narrow down the problem...(non-prelit *bleep*! how dare you not work!). So, since the directions were long lost many years ago I presume, I get online and google to see if possibly there is a quick fix to this prelit nightmare, and some say check the fuse.
Okay so where in the heck is a fuse on a Christmas tree?! Then upon further investigation they say its in the plug?...parallel to the prongs? I'm looking at the plug-in (which are many in this extension of a tree) and just don't see it. Finally! after much prodding and poking around on the plug I figure it out. You have to slide something up on the side, and underneath are two fuses! Wow, who would have thunk?!
Finally got that figured out; however, the fuses didn't look bad, but my! what a pain in the ass to get out! (there's gotta be an easier way)...after the fuses I try to plug it in, its deader than 4 o'clock, doesn't even blink! (damn blinkity-blink non-blinking *bleep*! after all that work! ha!)...so I'm thinking what now? Sit down and try to figure out which of the 3000 white lights look like they've burnt out? and replace? Are you fruckin' kidding me? hell noooo!
Okay, okay so I gave in. I tried that on the very top part, spending upwards of an hour, and then checking the fuse, and when I plugged it in expecting it to light, you guessed it...(damn blinkity-blink non-blinking *bleep*!) Yep, not to mention just trying to pull those things out of their tight light socket, and place them back in was hard, they are way too snug...not that my efforts did any good anyway!
Pre-Lit tree BAH HUMBUG!
I won't ever buy another pre-lit tree!
So, today, the day after the pre-lit tragedy, we salvaged the tree by putting it back together, and placing a string of colored lights, kinda sick of the anemic white ones anyway, and proceeded to decorate it anyway! Its beautiful!
We did good. Mom would be proud.
Preparing a Turkey...
for those of you who might need a little instruction...
Step 1: Get yer butt out and buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (or substitute your choice)
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another two drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a
glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
yeah, be like me and eat out!
Monday ha-ha's!
There once was a toad that was excluded from all Green Toad activities because he was a handsome shade of yellow. So he went to visit a beautiful fairy in the town over who had the power to grant wishes.
"Fairy," he said. "I would like to be green, so I can play with all the other toads." "Granted!" said the fairy, who turned him yellow.
Unfortunately, his little toady penis was still yellow.
"What about my penis?" he asked the fairy.
"Oh! For that, you'll have to go see the wizard."
And so the toad hopped off to find the wizard.
Soon, a pink elephant visited the fairy, and he wished to be turned gray. She granted him the wish, but, as with the toad, his penis was still pink. So she told him to visit the wizard.
"How do I find the wizard?" he asked.
"Just follow the yellow dick toad."
Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off his penis ...(Yes...you heard me) ... after this mistress found the ring in his pants pocket !
She got so mad at him that she stuck it on him while he was asleep ... Now,I don't know about you folks, but
I don't know what's worse ...
1) having your Mistress find out that you are married ...
2) explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got ON your penis , oops ..
OR ...
3) finding out that your ittybitty penis fits through your wedding ring !!!
A woman storms into a pet shop demanding her money back from the owner. You sold me this frog and told me it would be able to satisfy all my sexual desires!
The clerk tries to calm her down and asks, "Did you do what I told you to do?"
"Yes, dammit!"
"I got naked, lay back on my bed, and put him between my legs just like you said, and he did nothing!" she shouts.
The owner, looking confused, replies, it's a perfectly trained frog. I can't understand what the problem is.
He takes the woman and the frog to a back room in the shop, where he places the frog on a small table next to a bed and asks the woman to please lie down and remove her panties.
"What?" she shouts.
Turning to the frog, he says ... "Now watch carefully, because this is the last time I'm showing you this!"
Little Billy joke...
Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his father came home, Billy said: "Dad, our rooster's dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said: "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad, that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling: "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" asked the father.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming: ‘Jesus, I'm coming, I'm coming!’ If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
His father thinking quickly said: "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad, that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling: "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" asked the father.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming: ‘Jesus, I'm coming, I'm coming!’ If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
A Slick Tale...
"It happened about forty years ago.
Two young brothers had walked a couple of miles into town to go to the show. That's what we called going to the theater to watch movies back then.
Nobody was coming in the family car to drive them home, so when the movie was over they started the long trek back home. But they were young, and what's a couple of miles when you're a kid?
They didn't fear the dark---they were too old for THAT, only babies were scared of the dark---and they were walking down a road they had walked many, many, times before.
The night was clear and crisp. They had left the lights of town behind and were talkin' about the movie they had seen.
During a lull in the conversation, they heard a sound. A kind of swishy sound.
They stopped.
Silence.
Weird.........
They started walking again. The sound started again.
Footsteps????
They looked behind them but couldn't see anything but the road. It was dark and they couldn't see anything in the woods on either side of the road.
Now, when you are way out in the country where there are no city or farm lights, the night is as dark as the inside of a felt hat. It can be black as pitch. The only light is moonlight. If the moon is out.
Was it an animal? Being country boys, they knew what was in the woods around their house. They had hunted and fished there all their young lives.
Deer don't follow you around as a rule. Most other animals would either remain still or run away from man.
Coyotes? Well, maybe, but you can hear a pack of those when you're standing dead still, listening for them.
Could a panther be stalking them?
The only sound was the sound of their own breathing.
They were beginning to feel the fear. Just a little bit.
They began to walk again, a little faster.
The strange sound started again.
A ghost??? Ghosts aren't real...........are they??
Home is still a long ways off. It's still dark, and whatever it is is keeping up with them. Unseen.
The faster they walk, the faster IT walked. If they stopped, IT stopped.
When the last of the bravado failed, they RAN for it. Bravery be damned!
IT, whatever it was, was keeping pace, and IT chased them all the way down the road. They ran faster and faster.
Finally, they saw the lights of their house! But IT was STILL there, chasing them across the yard, and IT was still coming when they ran across the porch and burst through their front door.
They collapsed in the living room floor, gasping for breath and scared to death. Crying.
Their parents had heard them pounding across the porch and it sounded as if they tore the door off of the hinges. They tried to calm them down enough to find out what had happened.
Were they hurt?? Was there an accident of some sort??? An emergency of some kind, maybe? Were they in some sort of trouble?? Was someone after them??
When they finally caught their breath and saw that they were safe, they got up, still shaking.
But...............
THERE IT WAS AGAIN!!! THE SOUND!!!! OH MY GOD, IT WAS IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!
Of course it was in the house. It had been with them all day.
It was the brand-new corduroy pants that they had just gotten. Caught up in the excitement of new clothes and going to see a movie---rare treats indeed--- they never noticed the sound that the new, stiff material made when they walked. The sound material makes when your thighs rub together as you walk.
I got that story years ago from one of those two brothers. He said that if the front door had been locked he would have died on the front porch from fear.
Always remember that the worst fright of your life may be the one you create for yourself!"
"Slick" is a great storyteller. To visit her website, click here.
Could Have Been Worse ??
On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"
"That`s awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."
"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?"
"Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I`d be dead now!"
Your Southern-Fried Scopes...
Yep! some of us are pretty skeptical of horoscopes, and it has become obvious that what we need are our own "Southern" signs:
Go ahead, guess my sign, and enjoy yours! tell me is it true what they said about your sign?
OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) - Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) - Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.
BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20) - You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.
MOON PIE (Mar 21 - Apr 20) - You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Or - maybe not.
POSSUM (Apr 21 - May 21) - When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over.
CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) - Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.
COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) - Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those round them.. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.
CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) - Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) - Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.
BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) - You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.
BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) - Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) - You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.
Go ahead, guess my sign, and enjoy yours! tell me is it true what they said about your sign?
OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) - Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) - Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.
BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20) - You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.
MOON PIE (Mar 21 - Apr 20) - You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Or - maybe not.
POSSUM (Apr 21 - May 21) - When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over.
CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) - Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.
COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) - Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those round them.. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.
CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) - Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) - Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.
BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) - You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.
BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) - Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) - You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.
but...but...first syndrome
I just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it goes...
I decide to do the laundry, start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I'm going to do the laundry...
BUT first I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack...
BUT first I'll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook? Oops... there's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook...
BUT first I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away...
BUT first I need to water those plants. I head for the door and...
Aaaagh! stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed.
Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants...
BUT first I need to feed the cat.
END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control... And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because... I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious... I'd get help...
BUT first... I think I'll check my e-mail.
how is everybody?
I decide to do the laundry, start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I'm going to do the laundry...
BUT first I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack...
BUT first I'll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook? Oops... there's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook...
BUT first I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away...
BUT first I need to water those plants. I head for the door and...
Aaaagh! stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed.
Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants...
BUT first I need to feed the cat.
END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control... And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because... I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious... I'd get help...
BUT first... I think I'll check my e-mail.
how is everybody?
Love's Orchestra...
Passion leans forward with sparkling eyes.
Candor speaks with baritone piano rush
And all the while humor throws a head back in mirth.
Shame stays outside looking in through a glass pain.
watching reckless juggle knifes for a pittance of attention.
Charm roams the room as a deep with disarming intensity
Arrogance and anger puff in heated discuss about nothing.
Love radiates like a beacon reaching out past it's shores
and joy frolics in abandon in the brilliance of love.
And serenity becomes a fragrance of a dream un-dreamt.
Love's orchestra ~ patience, passion, candor, humor, shame, reckless abandon, charm, arrogance, anger, love, joy, wonder, fascination, serenity.
Halloween Tales and Eerie Folklore...
its that time of year again, I love reading folklore and/or eerie tales, and watching spook movies! Here's a WV tale for yuns entitled "Screaming Jenny."
The old storage sheds along the tracks were abandoned shortly after the Baltimore & Ohio Railroad was built, and it wasn't long before the poor folk of the area moved in. The sheds provided shelter - of a sort - although the winter wind still pierced through every crevice, and the small fireplaces that the poor constructed did little to keep the cold at bay.
A gentle, kindly woman named Jenny lived alone in one of the smaller sheds. She had fallen on hard times, and with no family to protect her, she was forced to find work where she could and take whatever shelter was available to someone with little money. Jenny never had enough to eat and in winter her tiny fire barely kept her alive during the cold months. Still, she kept her spirits up and tried to help other folks when they took sick or needed food, sometimes going without herself so that another could eat.
One cold evening in late autumn, Jenny sat shivering over her fire, drinking broth out of a wooden bowl, when a spark flew from the fire and lit her skirt on fire. Intent on filling her aching stomach, Jenny did not notice her flaming clothes until the fire had burnt through the heavy wool of her skirt and began to scorch her skin. Leaping up in terror, Jenny threw her broth over the licking flames but the fluid did nothing to douse the fire. In terror, Jenny fled from the shack and ran along the tracks, screaming for help as the flames engulfed her body.
The station was not far away, and instinctively Jenny made for it, hoping to find someone to aid her. Within moments, her body was a glowing inferno and Jenny was overwhelmed by pain. Her screams grew more horrible as her steps slowed. She staggered blindly onto the tracks just west of the station, a ball of fire that barely looked human. In her agony, she did not see the glowing headlight of the train rounding the curve, or hear the screech of the breaks as the engineer spotted her fire-eaten figure and tried to stop. A moment later, her terrible screams broke off as the train mowed her down.
Alerted by the whistle, the crew from the station came running as the engineer halted the train and ran back down the tracks toward poor dead Jenny, who was still burning. The men doused the fire and carried her body back to the station. She was given a pauper's funeral and buried in an unmarked grave in the local churchyard. Within a few days, another poverty-stricken family had moved into her shack, and Jenny was forgotten.
Forgotten that is, until a month later when a train rounding the bend west of the station was confronted by a screaming ball of fire. Too late to stop, the engineer plowed over the glowing figure before he could bring the train to a screeching halt. Leaping from the engine, he ran back down the tracks to search for a mangled, burning body, but there was nothing there. Shaken, he brought his train into the station and reported the incident to the stationmaster. After hearing his tale, the stationmaster remembered poor, dead Jenny and realized that her ghost had returned to haunt the tracks where she had died.
To this day, the phantom of Screaming Jenny still appears on the tracks on the anniversary of the day she died. Many an engineer has rounded the curve just west of the station and found himself face to face with the burning ghost of Screaming Jenny, as once more she makes her deadly run towards the Harpers Ferry station, seeking in vain for someone to save her.
I always love visiting those blogs I know can tell a tale better than anybody, and here is one such link. If you're interested in originality and reading one great writer in my opinion, click here.
The old storage sheds along the tracks were abandoned shortly after the Baltimore & Ohio Railroad was built, and it wasn't long before the poor folk of the area moved in. The sheds provided shelter - of a sort - although the winter wind still pierced through every crevice, and the small fireplaces that the poor constructed did little to keep the cold at bay.
A gentle, kindly woman named Jenny lived alone in one of the smaller sheds. She had fallen on hard times, and with no family to protect her, she was forced to find work where she could and take whatever shelter was available to someone with little money. Jenny never had enough to eat and in winter her tiny fire barely kept her alive during the cold months. Still, she kept her spirits up and tried to help other folks when they took sick or needed food, sometimes going without herself so that another could eat.
One cold evening in late autumn, Jenny sat shivering over her fire, drinking broth out of a wooden bowl, when a spark flew from the fire and lit her skirt on fire. Intent on filling her aching stomach, Jenny did not notice her flaming clothes until the fire had burnt through the heavy wool of her skirt and began to scorch her skin. Leaping up in terror, Jenny threw her broth over the licking flames but the fluid did nothing to douse the fire. In terror, Jenny fled from the shack and ran along the tracks, screaming for help as the flames engulfed her body.
The station was not far away, and instinctively Jenny made for it, hoping to find someone to aid her. Within moments, her body was a glowing inferno and Jenny was overwhelmed by pain. Her screams grew more horrible as her steps slowed. She staggered blindly onto the tracks just west of the station, a ball of fire that barely looked human. In her agony, she did not see the glowing headlight of the train rounding the curve, or hear the screech of the breaks as the engineer spotted her fire-eaten figure and tried to stop. A moment later, her terrible screams broke off as the train mowed her down.
Alerted by the whistle, the crew from the station came running as the engineer halted the train and ran back down the tracks toward poor dead Jenny, who was still burning. The men doused the fire and carried her body back to the station. She was given a pauper's funeral and buried in an unmarked grave in the local churchyard. Within a few days, another poverty-stricken family had moved into her shack, and Jenny was forgotten.
Forgotten that is, until a month later when a train rounding the bend west of the station was confronted by a screaming ball of fire. Too late to stop, the engineer plowed over the glowing figure before he could bring the train to a screeching halt. Leaping from the engine, he ran back down the tracks to search for a mangled, burning body, but there was nothing there. Shaken, he brought his train into the station and reported the incident to the stationmaster. After hearing his tale, the stationmaster remembered poor, dead Jenny and realized that her ghost had returned to haunt the tracks where she had died.
To this day, the phantom of Screaming Jenny still appears on the tracks on the anniversary of the day she died. Many an engineer has rounded the curve just west of the station and found himself face to face with the burning ghost of Screaming Jenny, as once more she makes her deadly run towards the Harpers Ferry station, seeking in vain for someone to save her.
I always love visiting those blogs I know can tell a tale better than anybody, and here is one such link. If you're interested in originality and reading one great writer in my opinion, click here.
Neglected..
Yes, I feel as though this blog has fallen by the wayside into some dark alley...
with being sick here for a few weeks, and schedules being what they are, any free time I get I'm pretty much exhausted and lounging in my bed. Work and everybody else's needs are drowning me...
To be a clown was to be fate's pawn. The life in the arena was a dumb show consisting of slaps, kicks - an endless shuffling and booting about. And it was by means of this disgraceful rigolade that one found favour with the public. The beloved clown! It was his special privilege to re-enact the errors, the follies, the stupidities, all the misunderstandings that plague humankind. To be ineptitude itself, that was something even the dullest oaf could grasp. Not to understand, when all is clear as daylight; not to catch on, though the trick be repeated a thousand times for you.
- Henry Miller "The Smile at the Foot of the Ladder"
with being sick here for a few weeks, and schedules being what they are, any free time I get I'm pretty much exhausted and lounging in my bed. Work and everybody else's needs are drowning me...
To be a clown was to be fate's pawn. The life in the arena was a dumb show consisting of slaps, kicks - an endless shuffling and booting about. And it was by means of this disgraceful rigolade that one found favour with the public. The beloved clown! It was his special privilege to re-enact the errors, the follies, the stupidities, all the misunderstandings that plague humankind. To be ineptitude itself, that was something even the dullest oaf could grasp. Not to understand, when all is clear as daylight; not to catch on, though the trick be repeated a thousand times for you.
- Henry Miller "The Smile at the Foot of the Ladder"
out of the darkness comes the light
Well, this has fit a time in my life when I'd rather not have looked my life in the face, rather tried to hide behind the pain of a custodial issue concerning my youngest daughter who was at the time 6 years old. Yes, through no real fault of my own, fathers were being granted custody of their children as the start of a trend against women traditionally being awarded custody. The females that I know of in this area who went through this were made to feel as though they were trash, or made to look like it, but they were good mothers, nurturing mothers, who still were not awarded their own children...not to mention custody at that time was decided by a Comissioner who also hated women, or so it was strongly rumored.
I hear that this trend is still going on today, men receiving custody of their minor children. I am not saying that there aren't mothers out there who lose custody and for good reasons, but in general, most people think there is something wrong with YOU if you are a mother and you don't. Believe me, I've felt the stigma. A mother loves her child unconditionally, or I did, so did those other mothers. So if you think it can't happen to you, think again. This caused me terrible emotional pain, especially in view of the fact that he was doing this out of spite with money backing him, while I had nothing. I heard similar stories also from other women, and come to find out there were some dirty lawyers who played golf with the judge. That lawyer in fact has since become a Judge, I hope he can live with the decisions he's made that affected lives profoundly beyond a damn courtroom. The courts do not care necessarily about the best interest emotionally of a child, nor the abuse they suffer behind close doors by someone who is supposed to love them.
Yes, my daughter was bought and paid for at the time. He was certainly no father of the year ever. He was abusive, even with his own family, and my other two children. She suffered emotionally herself which tore my heart to shreds. I tried to love her through all of it, be there for her, never once turning my back. I should have taken him back to court, but I grew leery of the system, didn't trust that justice would be done; if so, this never would have happened. He would take me to court numerous times over anything he felt like he could, even child support. My daughter and I were his puppeteers to use/abuse. He would call me if she came home crying...that I must have done something to her, all the time it was her crying to me not to take her back knowing she would be grilled or made to feel like she was not allowed to have a good time with me or my family.
Through the years, I've court ordered counseling due to his crazy, I've tried to face and deal with this awful adversity at the hands of someone who wanted to make my life miserable but didn't have enough forethought to realize that the only one he was hurting truly was her, and himself, because at some point their relationship died. She doesn't have any true father love for him. He is a waste of space, and undeserving of breath. If they don't have him a room reserved in hell, I'd be surprised. For many years he succeeded in making us both his victims in a way, especially her, but I won that war. I let go of his abuse years ago. My daughter still fights the battle, even at 18, because of his controlling abusive nature, but our relationship has weathered the storm from him. She knows where she is loved, she always knew. She always has a home with me.
I hear that this trend is still going on today, men receiving custody of their minor children. I am not saying that there aren't mothers out there who lose custody and for good reasons, but in general, most people think there is something wrong with YOU if you are a mother and you don't. Believe me, I've felt the stigma. A mother loves her child unconditionally, or I did, so did those other mothers. So if you think it can't happen to you, think again. This caused me terrible emotional pain, especially in view of the fact that he was doing this out of spite with money backing him, while I had nothing. I heard similar stories also from other women, and come to find out there were some dirty lawyers who played golf with the judge. That lawyer in fact has since become a Judge, I hope he can live with the decisions he's made that affected lives profoundly beyond a damn courtroom. The courts do not care necessarily about the best interest emotionally of a child, nor the abuse they suffer behind close doors by someone who is supposed to love them.
Yes, my daughter was bought and paid for at the time. He was certainly no father of the year ever. He was abusive, even with his own family, and my other two children. She suffered emotionally herself which tore my heart to shreds. I tried to love her through all of it, be there for her, never once turning my back. I should have taken him back to court, but I grew leery of the system, didn't trust that justice would be done; if so, this never would have happened. He would take me to court numerous times over anything he felt like he could, even child support. My daughter and I were his puppeteers to use/abuse. He would call me if she came home crying...that I must have done something to her, all the time it was her crying to me not to take her back knowing she would be grilled or made to feel like she was not allowed to have a good time with me or my family.
Through the years, I've court ordered counseling due to his crazy, I've tried to face and deal with this awful adversity at the hands of someone who wanted to make my life miserable but didn't have enough forethought to realize that the only one he was hurting truly was her, and himself, because at some point their relationship died. She doesn't have any true father love for him. He is a waste of space, and undeserving of breath. If they don't have him a room reserved in hell, I'd be surprised. For many years he succeeded in making us both his victims in a way, especially her, but I won that war. I let go of his abuse years ago. My daughter still fights the battle, even at 18, because of his controlling abusive nature, but our relationship has weathered the storm from him. She knows where she is loved, she always knew. She always has a home with me.
circa Thursday November 8, 2007
This is from my Blogstream archives, back when I typed for a living, instead of doing quality assurance work, which I do now...
anyway...
My repertoire of emergency room reports (so far today) has included ...
There are couple of more paragraphs to this story, but what it basically boils down to is that this child died. He died because of toxic magnesium levels. Epsom salts has many uses as we all know, but I am not sure of the exact details as to why they would use it in this manner. People can die and do often from metabolic abnormalities, which perhaps could have been avoided. Sad lesson for the family.
CHIEF COMPLAINT: In a train wreck.
HISTORY OF PRESENT ILLNESS: This is a 48-year-old white female states she was on a train last night about 9 o’clock. She states she was in the bathroom and the conductor apparently slammed on the brakes on the train, and the toilet seat came down and hit her on top of the head which caused her to fall backwards and hit her head. She states that she was knocked out for several minutes, and comes in today complaining of headache....
What are the odds of that happening? and in what position might one have to be in to have their head hit by the toilet seat?? ah ha! just what was she doing in that bathroom? hmmmmm?
and lastly ...
HISTORY OF PRESENT ILLNESS: This is a 21-year-old white female who comes in complaining of rash and itching for two months. Her boyfriend has the same thing. It is all over. She has not been ill. She has had no fever, sore throat, cough. States she has tried multiple over-the-counter medications with no relief.
Scabies, Scabies, and more Scabies! eeeeeeekkkk! I just want this day to end and get a nice hot shower!
and tomorrow's another day in the life.
anyway...
~~~~~~ In the World of Transcription today ~~~~~
My repertoire of emergency room reports (so far today) has included ...
~~~ a woman who comes in complaining with a green vaginal discharge, OMG! I am NOT doing that pelvic exam, YOU do it!! *exclaims the doctor to the PA* ... Do I have to type this? Nothing grosses me out any quicker than this or other mucousy things! Breakfast was put on hold today! This is a spawn of trichomonas! eeeeeek! States that she had one sexual partner recently but has not been with him again since ... I wonder why ...
~~~a then there are the patients who come in complaining of a rash, an itchy rash that they have scratched until they caused sores ... with burrows found in the intertriginous areas ... can you name it? Yes, you've guessed it... OMG! Scabies!!! I find my own skin is crawling as I type these reports, and I am beginning to itch for no good reason! eeek!
~~~and then there is the mother who brings her child in frantically because he has decided to try TidyBowl Solid (lightly fragranced)Deodorizer as a snack while sitting on the floor, watching cartoons today! Mother said there were pieces of it on the floor and she found a piece of it in his mouth. Just where was mother? Obviously the child was hungry? and the PA dictating said the child was 35 months old ... 35 months old?? Why couldn't he just say 2 1/2 almost 3? ... well, you can make your own determinations about that one! (of course the child was okay and mother told to observe and return child if needed).
Well, that was a more than likely a happy ending for that mother, but all too often there are tragedies. I did not type this report, but I think a lesson is order here for people not to assume the role of doctor themselves when it comes to their children or use remedies they "think" might alleviate a child's symptomatology, overmedicating them, or God knows just what they are thinking ... I came across while looking up something in a medical journal on magnesium.
A 7-year-old male with a history of constipation presented to a hospital with cardiopulmonary arrest. He had complained of abdominal cramping and was given an unknown amount of a tap water and Epsom salt enema by his family in an attempt to relieve his abdominal pain. The family reports that initially the child felt better but then became sleepy and went to lie down. His family checked on him approximately 10 minutes later, found him difficult to arouse, and immediately took him to the local emergency room. On arrival to the emergency department, he was found to be in asystole. Cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) was begun immediately with the administration of epinephrine, atropine, and sodium bicarbonate. The patient was intubated, volume resuscitated, and a continuous epinephrine infusion was begun.
There are couple of more paragraphs to this story, but what it basically boils down to is that this child died. He died because of toxic magnesium levels. Epsom salts has many uses as we all know, but I am not sure of the exact details as to why they would use it in this manner. People can die and do often from metabolic abnormalities, which perhaps could have been avoided. Sad lesson for the family.
Did I just bum everybody out? I think I bummed myself out too.
But then ... here a few minutes ago ... I get this report ...
Here it is ...
Here it is ...
CHIEF COMPLAINT: In a train wreck.
HISTORY OF PRESENT ILLNESS: This is a 48-year-old white female states she was on a train last night about 9 o’clock. She states she was in the bathroom and the conductor apparently slammed on the brakes on the train, and the toilet seat came down and hit her on top of the head which caused her to fall backwards and hit her head. She states that she was knocked out for several minutes, and comes in today complaining of headache....
What are the odds of that happening? and in what position might one have to be in to have their head hit by the toilet seat?? ah ha! just what was she doing in that bathroom? hmmmmm?
and lastly ...
HISTORY OF PRESENT ILLNESS: This is a 21-year-old white female who comes in complaining of rash and itching for two months. Her boyfriend has the same thing. It is all over. She has not been ill. She has had no fever, sore throat, cough. States she has tried multiple over-the-counter medications with no relief.
Scabies, Scabies, and more Scabies! eeeeeeekkkk! I just want this day to end and get a nice hot shower!
and tomorrow's another day in the life.
I hurt and have a temperature too...
I didn't fall off the face of the earth, just been sick. This started last Saturday, it has now been a week, saw my family doctor twice, and I can't say I'm much better.
I've had temps as high as 102.7, not yet coming back to normal, and after bloodwork and a few x-rays on my 2nd visit, my doctor told me I have pneumonia.
No other real symptoms, except for coughing that burns like fire in my chest, headache, bodyaches, weakness; no GI distress stuff, except for one time nearly passing out when I got up on Wednesday; this causing nausea with a throbbing headache prompting a doctor visit again; if I could have thrown up then perhaps my headache would have subsided.
I've been on 1500 mg of antibiotics a day, plus have had two shots, still this fever persists. I now am sore in my chest. I am wondering if I should just go to the ER, last night my friend tried to talk me into it; my fever was way over 102. Today its not normal, but its tolerable.
Bella has a game today she is cheering at. I had to miss them last week. I am going to go if I croak over. I ain't dead yet.
Want more laughs?...here ya go.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.
Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts; again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts!
The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts. On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store.. (Please scroll down).
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What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, shame on you!!! Her husband speaks English! I don't know about you people sometimes!
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There was a world famous painter who, in the prime of her career, started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.
After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall.
When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, 'What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?'
To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank the Lord, I'm not a gynecologist.'"
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A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf game.
Later on, the same thing happened and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help."
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also.
He asked what she sold. She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing hysterically. She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you."
Bada-Boom!
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At 85 years old, Morris marries a lovely 25-year-old woman. The woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that the old fellow might overexert himself. After the wedding festivities, she prepares herself for bed and for Morris to come to her room. Sure enough, there is a knock at the door and there is her groom, ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and after the main event, Morris leaves while his bride gets ready to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, there's a knock on the door and there's old Morris, ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, she consents to further coupling, after which the octogenarian bids her good night and leaves.
She is certainly ready for slumber at this point, when there is another knock at the door by Morris, who is as energetic as a 25-year-old and ready for more. Once again, they do the horizontal boogie. As they're relaxing, the young bride says to him, "I am really impressed that a man your age has enough juice to go at it three times. I've been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one time. You're a great lover, Morris." Morris looks confused.
He turns to her and says ...
...
...
...
"I was here already?"
It's Official...
I am the permanent relative placement of my granddaughter, BellaRose. Its been a long year dealing with grown adult children issues, courts, social workers, holding down a full-time job, and mothering an 8-year-old, but tears welled in my eyes in the courtroom happy to be able to provide her stability and guidance that she needs to become a beautiful young lady. When I told Bella she leaped into my arms and hugged me close! Nothing can top that. One of the highlights of my life.
The best thing is finally having the legal clout, so I don't have to put up with anymore drama or verbage from her mother, do-less son-in-law, or the have-no-common-sense (clueless) in-laws. Bella is happy here, that's all that matters; to me that's all that ever mattered. Every kid needs to be a kid, not listen to constant arguing, live in a nasty environment, or be emotionally or socially neglected.
The best thing is finally having the legal clout, so I don't have to put up with anymore drama or verbage from her mother, do-less son-in-law, or the have-no-common-sense (clueless) in-laws. Bella is happy here, that's all that matters; to me that's all that ever mattered. Every kid needs to be a kid, not listen to constant arguing, live in a nasty environment, or be emotionally or socially neglected.
Monday ha-ha's on a Sunday...Real Life Doctor Excerpts...
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your breakfast this morning?"
It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly, she responded. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." ~ Dr. *** Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
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While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered ... "Why, not for about twenty years--when my husband was alive." ~ Dr. *** Swanson, Corvallis, OR
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered ... "Why, not for about twenty years--when my husband was alive." ~ Dr. *** Swanson, Corvallis, OR
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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." ~ Dr. *** Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
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During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. ~ Dr. *** St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
*holey cow!* stupidity is alive and well~!
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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." ~ Dr. *** Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
*********************************************************************
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. ~ Dr. *** St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
*holey cow!* stupidity is alive and well~!
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strange little funnies...
haha! I kinda feel like somedays I'm just spinning my wheels at work too~!
Monday ha-ha's on a Sunday...
"That's a complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult."
The guest replied: "It shouldn't be too tough, that's what you gave me yesterday!"
An elderly man goes to his doctor and says: “Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I’ve forgotten to zip up.”
“That's not senility,” replies the doctor: “Senility is when you forget to zip down.”
A man goes up to a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and says: "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Do you mind talking to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
A man who worked for Lifesavers was testing a new Lifesaver flavor on a fifth-grade class. Using a bowl of Lifesavers, he gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them: "What is the flavor?"
The children were able to identify all of the common flavors easily until he gave them each a honey Lifesaver. The children sucked on them for a while, but couldn't decipher the taste.
"Well," he said: "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're assholes!"
Explore your inner Jeff Foxworthy...
You might be a redneck if...
*go ahead, bloggers insert your one-liner here*
Bella says...,
"Your truck doubles as a roadside cafe."
I'll add yours here...
Yup, we'll send this off to Jeff Foxworthy, of course with pending approval from the picture owner. Maybe Jeff will love the pic and your one-liner enuff to give it a spot in his next redneck book~! heyyy you never know, you could become famously redneck-worthy!
in other news, bloggers...
Game over. Yes, after slipping on that banana peel today, Ms. Incorrigible hung herself.
I Dream of Jeanie is still hanging on.
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