and March ends ...

March 31, 2007, Saturday

Dear Blogdom ~


Update: It's good to be back! As expected, the royal gardener returned from his winter vacation in Florida last week! Lucky me! Now, if I could get lucky and get laid, I'd be a happy woman! Too much information for ya? too bad!

Anyway, the gardener showed up at my door, rang my bell, and I was a fright!!!!! I don't think I had taken a shower in two days, had not been feeling well anyway, hair greasy, you girls know the story. One of those two-day-old underwear days ya know? which you hope NOBODY sees ya or smells ya! how embarassing!! not to mention the palace was a wreck! Even the toilet needed cleaning (which he did by the way!) Do you think people derive some satisfaction from showing up unexpectedly in the middle of the afternoon? after all, what's wrong with a courtesy call? I mean, if I was expecting company, I would have at least made an effort and took a whore's bath or something, or degreased my hair!!

Anyway, he said had just arrived back in town, and the first place he stops is here??? and he has to use the bathroom ? oh God I knew I should have cleaned that toilet from the diarrheal explosion! The house reeked, the dishes needed done, floors needed vaccuumed! You name it! Everything is neglected when the Queen if sick! Over the past few months, he had called me a couple of times from Florida just to check in, and see how things were going and to rub in the good warm weather! Prick! Dontcha hate people like that? na-nana-boo-boo, I HATE YOU!!!! Okay, and stick you tongue out too! I'd give him something to lick! (oh that was bad!) He likes me, so why can't I get him to lick me?

So, he couldn't wait to get into town and check out the palace grounds? and the Queen? Come on. He did not get a warm reception, not necessarily because I wasn't glad to see him, it was more because I was embarassed that I was such a fright! and smelled like two-day underwear!!! I kept my distance as to save him that down wind! Ah, come on girls, you know how stinky things can get when you're sick!

Damnit, it really peed me off that he just showed up expectedly! so I've tried to keep the palace in a little better working order which is hard since I have to take care of EVERYTHING, work 8 hours, and I'm just tired and cranky, and in need of a little skibbiboo! He just waltzes in looking like a page out of GQ magazine, all pretty and tan, and here I am ~ all white and stinky!!! I guess spending the winter in Florida has its advantages. As a matter of fact, it seems everybody travels, except yours truly! I need a vacation from my misery! A few months ago, my butler ran off with the maid, and shortly after, my Mexican sex slave escaped ... I thought he was a handyman turns out he sorta was! I'll tell ya, if it's not one frickin' thing its another! and unexpected company on one of your worst days ever? Not fair!!!

Wanta know his REAL reason for coming by? Well, I'll tell you next post! It gets better!! Ah, yes, and perhaps an update on Griszelda Mess and Lord Spoiled. Until next time, Kingdom!

Fairy Godmother, Quick!! Powder me fresh!!

More March Madness ...

Dear Blogdom ~

Wouldn't this pill be a hoot? My motto is if it makes you feel good, do it! A feel good pill is just what the Queen needs! and a second job (which I'm too tired to do) ... or a good sponsor!



Well, it's back to reality and the saltmines! Damn, I think I'm going to rot sitting in this chair working it seems like all the time! and due to not getting a jump start on my week, I am working 8 hours today, and that really bites because the weather is supposed to be gorgeous and I have things I need to get done, but I am not going to be done working until 4:30ish.

My 15 year old will be gracing the palace with her presence this weekend. Oh joy! It's McDonald's fest when she comes; McFlurry heaven for her! Yuck! I hate that shit! Reality bites doesn't it? Well, my tea party went over well, a thank you to you know who. I know it was a crock of tea!

I only have two, maybe 3 friends I could trust in a crisis, and I do entertain them every once in a while, but no real family to speak of. My friends are my family. It seems my relationship with my real immediate family is estranged; come to think of it, my brothers and sisters are still that way ! What a closeknit bunch we are, huh? The only time they call is when they want something, or so it seems, but I find I don't pick up the phone often to call them either. I don't know why I am so emotionally detached, and really don't think about it much to tell you the truth. Geeze, that makes me feel bad. I never call my own sisters, but they don't call me either! so I guess we're even!

My Griszelda Mess and I are on the outs more often than in. It seems that her and Lord Spoiled drove out of town for a job interview at the beginning of the week. I haven't heard the story on that one yet. I wonder what they did about missing their daily dose at the methadone diner. My prodigal son lives a few hours away but I never see or talk to him; every once in awhile he will call wanting a phone number to a certain place here where I am. A strange request. However, he was my sweetest baby child. After he got past his young adulthood, he's turned out pretty good, holding down a job, holding his own. He lives alone too, once married and divorced, which he never wanted. He lost his basset hound, which I found out through my ex father-in-law, and he had to put her down the first day of spring because of cancer. He and his ex-wife fought over Sophie, she was a beautiful golden basset. I did call him but he was really choked up about it and our conversation was short but consisted of I love you's. Those are few and far between.

Yep, my life is one frickin' bowl of Cheerios without the fruit! but soothing and more bearable with a good cup of tea or coffee! Am I depressed? Hell no, life is what it is!

and what is new in your Kingdom?

More From the Palace

Dear Blogdom ~




I've been so bent lately with Griszelda Mess and Lord Spoiled, better known as Mr. and Mrs.Good-For-Nothing. It all started after the birth of their second child in July of last year. Due to the recent death of her “adopted” father and postpartum depression to boot, she turned to drugs for solace. Do-less (aka Lord Spoiled) hadn’t worked in months anyway, and come to find out he got fired for having drugs in his system. He went to a company picnic after having taken one too many Xanax, or was it heroin? I guess all one had to do was look at both of them and know they were on something. I knew it. They both learned to be good liars and thieves, that’s for sure.

Today they say they’re clean but they’re going to a methadone clinic receiving injections every day. It doesn’t take away the fact that for months now, let’s see it’s been since July/August 2006, they both have had a heroin addiction, yes, folks, shooting up! They have lied, connived, and thieved. I can't stand to be around either one of them very long. They have put everybody through the wringer, both emotionally and financially. I just don’t care any more. I care about the two children they have, my grandchildren, but I realize I only have limited control over that. They both know that if they slip and go back to taking drugs, I will not hesitate to jerk those children out of there.

For the months they were using, his parents or I had the children more than need be. Their oldest was 4, and a beautiful child, who did not understand why her parents were so moody and why they didn’t love her anymore. It broke my heart. She became a frequent flyer to the palace and I would make her a little Queenie. I tried to soothe the hardship she was enduring. I really had no idea it was that bad until I went over there one day. I don’t think that baby was held for the first six months of his life, always had a bottle propped up, and the house dark, no light, no food, no life except two hungry little children and two fucked up parents "wigging". I have a hard time forgiving adults who care more about their addictions than their children.

Needless to say, I am unforgiving and untrusting of them at present, and God knows I really hate feeling that way down inside. Lord Spoiled parents refused to see it for the longest time. Their mentality still is that their son has an “anxiety issue.” It runs in their family. What a crock of bullshit! He was never that way, they contend, which of course implies, it must be your daughter’s fault ... but who really gives a damn at this point?

They (his parents) were robbed of thousands upon thousands of dollars, taking from their accounts, but they did nothing. They let them stay in a house they own, paid their utility bills, their son’s cellphone bill, and gave them running and grocery money. In my opinion they enabled them to continue to use. I don’t begrudge anybody a little "social enhancer" every once in a while, be it smoke or drink, but to let it take over your life that’s another.

At present, his parents are footing the bill for them to go to a methadone center to receive injections everyday so they can cope and get on with their life. What the hell ever happened to tough love? that’s what they need, a good dose of reality, and a damn job! If instead of providing them free room and board and money to run on, perhaps his parents need to cut their apron strings with their little boy, so he can rise to the occasion of manhood and start providing for his family.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, am I not the bitchiest Queen of all?"

Fairy sprinkle blessings, my ass!! ~

A Twisted Fable

As I was moving some archived stuff over from Blogstream, I came across this! too funny!

~ Welcome to another Sunday Edition of Storytime with Bella ~

Remember the Rocky & Bullwinkle Show ? Well, they had a segment on their show called Fractured Fairy Tales, you guys remember this?

The following story is a twisted parable from one of the segments from the show (with a little ad lib thrown in)! These tales were subversive, and delightfully twisted, and probably not politically correct!!

Enjoy!

Let the tale begin ...

Once upon a time there was a magnificent golden castle on a silver cloud high up in the sky, which has nothing to do anything because our story tonight is about an old woodchopper who lived in a shack, but that’s a good way to start a fairy tale, eh, bloggers?

The old man was very happy, but he had a daughter who was very unhappy because ... well ~ she was rather plain. Actually ~ she was really plain. In fact, she had a face like five miles of bad road!!!

Anyway, it was time for her marry but because she was fat and ugly, none of the young men of the kingdom ever came to ask for her hand, or any other part of her body, for that matter. Then one day, the old man decided to cheer her up.

“Child, it is your birthday and I’ve brought you something to keep you from being so lonely.”

“A man?” she asked, wide-eyed.

“Nope. A donkey.” (hee-haw-hee-haw!)

He pointed to a brown, furry, four-legged, grunting beast. Well, a mule wasn’t exactly the kind of companion she had in mind, but at least it was somebody to talk to.


“Hi there, silly beast,” said the girl to the donkey. “I wonder if you were once a handsome prince changed into a mule by a wicked witch. If so, I could break the spell with a kiss.” She smacked the mule right on its lips. It was not use. The donkey was a donkey, and had always been a donkey!

The next day, the old man instructed his daughter to take a bundle of sticks to the village.

“A bundle of sticks” she asked him. “What for?”

“How should I know,” said the old man. “But somebody is always carrying a bundle of sticks around in fairy tales. You know that.”

So the young girl took the bundle of sticks and decided to ride her trusty donkey into the village. But something very strange happened. Unknown to her, the moment she climbed onto the mule’s back – POOF! – she turned into a beautiful maiden. You know the type; blond hair, blue eyes, a figure like she spends her days doing Jazzercise!

Anyway, when she reached the village, she could hardly believe her eyes, for all the young men, instead of laughing and throwing mud at her, bowed, tipped their hats, and made catcalls. She was still trying to figure it out when a handsome young prince rode up to her on a snow-white horse.

“Ah, fair lady!” he exclaimed. “You are truly the most lovely beauty in the land.”

“Why, my young prince, she replied, batting her eyes, “Are you nuts or sumpthin’?”

“With your permission,” said the prince, “I should like to call upon you tonight. How about when the clock strikes the hour of eightish?”

Flushed with excitement, the girl race home, but when she arrived and stepped off her mule—POOF! –she immediately returned to her fat, little ugly self. That night, promptly at eightish o’clock, the prince, sitting astride his white charger, knocked at the door.

The girl opened the door and smiled her crooked-toothed smile—one that made chopped yak liver seem appealing—and chirped, “Helloooo.”

“Um,” said the prince, who at that moment desired a bit of Pepto-Bismol, or the medieval equivalent. “Is your sister at home?”

“I don’t have a sister,” the girl said.

“Your aunt then,” the prince said.

“I don’t have an aunt.”

“Your cousin? Your best friend? Your babysitter?”

“What are you talking about? Asked the girl. “I live here alone with my father.”

The prince, figuring he had found the wrong house, galloped quickly off on his white steed. The poor girl was left standing at the door, broken-hearted and trying to understand what had gone wrong. The following day, her father again asked her to go into the village. This time to pick up a bundle of sticks.

“It’ll take your mind off your ugliness,” said the old man, patting her kindly on her head.

No sooner had the girl climbed on the donkey’s back than –POOF!—once again she changed into a beautiful maiden. On the way to the village she chanced to pass a clear, still pool of water. Looking into it, she saw her reflection and shocked to see she was now very beautiful. She hopped off her donkey for a close look and—POOF! – instantly she changed back into her former ugly self. And then, she suddenly realized what had happened.

“I get it now,” she said out loud to no one in particular, as people in fairy tales sometimes do. “This is a magic donkey. As long as I sit upon this beast, I’m a beauty!” The girl jumped back onto the donkey, and—POOF!—beautiful again. And the beauty and the beast dashed to find the prince. When he saw her coming, he rode up to her on his gallant steed.

“Ah, lovely beauty,” he said. “I have found you again. Please say you will be mine so that we may be married.”

“Yes, but on one condition,” she said. “That I remain on my donkey at all times.”

Of course, this seemed like a strange request, but the prince agreed.

“So be it, my love,” he said. “And so that we start off on the right foot—or on the right hoof—I shall stay on my horse as long as you stay on your mule.”

And thus they were married by a priest, who delivered the sermon on a mule. As the years went by, the young girl was very happy, although the poor mule did get a bit of a backache. And true to his word, the prince also stayed on his horse. And as any good husband would, he took her dancing every Saturday night at the palace, there they were the most striking couple of the dance floor. Or actually, the most striking quadruple on the dance floor.

On day, as the girl rode in the garden –WHOOSH!—the wind blew off her bonnet. Not stopping to think, she hopped off her donkey to get the hat and –POOF! –She immediately turned into an ugly, disgusting hag again. Realizing her mistake, she scrambled to get back into the saddle again. But it was too late, for just then the prince rode up.

“Pardon me, old hag,” said the prince. “have you seen my wife? Wait a minute, this is her donkey!”

“Yes,” blushed the hag, gulping. “And I am your wife.” She began to sadly confess the whole story to her husband, but instead of being angry, he did an amazing thing. He clapped his hands and laughed for joy.

This is what he said: “Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yahoo! Yippee!”

“I don’t get it,” said the girl. “Are you happy to find out that I’m really ugly?”

“No!” said the prince. “I’m happy to know that I can finally get off this blasted horse. You see, I’m only a handsome prince when I stay on him.”

And with that, the prince hopped off his horse and –POOF!—he changed into one of the ugliest men ever to walk the earth. He was fat and bald and full of warts. His face looked like ten miles of bad road!!


“Ugh!” You’re uglier than me!” said the girl, with glee.

“We were meant for each other!” said the man, as they embraced.

“Just think--no more saddle sores!”

And so, the ugly man and the ugly girl were able to live happily ever after.

Which only goes to prove that “A donkey and his honey are soon parted.”

BADA-BOOM !!!

Hope you enjoyed this week’s edition of Bedtime with Bella! Tune in next week for another tall tale!

Original Post Date: Sunday March 18, 2007 at Bella's Gotta Brand New Blog, and after this weekend, will be sent back to the Archive Collection here!

Original Blogstream Comments:

posted by Bella

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by BigChris (PM , CC ) on Sunday March 18, 2007 @ 7:19 PM (del)

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You're a great bedtime story teller Bella:) I love happily ever afters......where are they in real life?! Have a great one! Loveya, CM		|< << >> >|
by Celtic Mist (PM , CC ) on Sunday March 18, 2007 @ 7:26 PM (del)

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Oh, so that's what happened. I got off my donkey. The poor beast died when I turned 50 and I've been going downhill ever since. Sherry		|< << >> >|
by Sherry'sCherries (PM , CC ) on Sunday March 18, 2007 @ 8:11 PM (del)

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hey BC, whatssup with you today? did you enjoy this fairy tale? LOL		|< << >> >|
by Bella (PM , CC ) on Sunday March 18, 2007 @ 8:34 PM (del)

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ya know, I am okay alone, CM. I'd prefer to have someone in my life to share certain aspects, but I guess in a way I'm selfish when it comes to space. I like having my own space, uninterrupted, and I'm not sure I wanta deal with somebody in it 24/7, especially messin' up my bathroom!!		|< << >> >|
by Bella (PM , CC ) on Sunday March 18, 2007 @ 8:43 PM (del)

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You and me both, Sherry!!! oh lordy, now that was funny! I can't stop laughing !!!		|< << >> >|
by Bella (PM , CC ) on Sunday March 18, 2007 @ 8:59 PM (del)

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Bella, Hope you have a great week!! I appreciate your humor, your wit, your words. You've guided me through some rough times, I can never thank you enough. Always, Nursey		|< << >> >|
by Nursey (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 1:20 PM (del)

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You know Nursey, life is good around here, every once in a while we get some weird ones, but most of us older bloggers we stick together thru thick and thin!! We just have to weed the garden! tell beautiful I said Hi!		|< << >> >|
by Bella (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 1:31 PM (del)

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lmao		|< << >> >|
by Dark-Twin (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 1:32 PM (del)

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Thanks a lot now I'm going to have that song stuck in head all day. Nice story.		|< << >> >|
by mouse (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 1:34 PM (del)

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		|< << >> >|
by Miss Lou (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 1:57 PM (del)

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Hey there, Dark Twin! Doesn't a little fairytale every once in awhile make ya feel good?		|< << >> >|
by Bella (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 3:07 PM (del)

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hey Mouse, did you get your blog fixed up like you wanted? the song is catchy! isn't it?		|< << >> >|
by Bella (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 3:07 PM (del)

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Miss Lou, good Monday to ya! I'm still slaving till 5 ... sheesh long day already! I'm on break right now! Hope you're having a marvelicious day!		|< << >> >|
by Bella (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 3:09 PM (del)

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Ya know? I am almost thinking this story isnt even from real life... I think it's made up. Ya know? It was a good one!		|< << >> >|
by Randy420 (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 4:43 PM (del)

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I'm sure you appreciate the happy ending, don't you?		|< << >> >|
by Bella (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 8:30 PM (del)

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well here if you are not me, you take paper and go poop in the woods!hehehe BC and yes I liked your CUTE lil tale Bella baby...or did I mean tail? hmmmm		|< << >> >|
by BigChris (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 8:39 PM (del)

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Oh Yeah! I'm always up for a happy ending! WOOT!		|< << >> >|
by Randy420 (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 9:39 PM (del)

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BC ~ Go to my room, you naughty boy!		|< << >> >|
by Bella (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 11:01 PM (del)

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and turning up the music I see! You like it loud too, dontcha?		|< << >> >|
by Bella (PM , CC ) on Monday March 19, 2007 @ 11:03 PM (del)