Young Love and Stonedness...

Meet Bobbi.  She is my youngest daughter, and quite the good-looker I must say.  She came across a picture of me at 35...well, not quite an attractive shot to say the least...LOL...

I cannot believe she posted this pic on facebook of all places! I was making a big smirk...probably at my ex...ha! by that time he was always pissing me off...don't know who snapped that one!


anyway...back to the story...

Bobbi starts talking about her boyfriend, who has other friends with whom he gets stoned with and how stupid they act and such stuff... and she tells me this...

When Evan got stoned, he went up to get a bowl of Cheerios...and he came back down and was freaking out that his Cheerios were sticking together! He was asking her to help him separate them...

hahahaha! You know you're either anal retentive, or really stoned, if you are freaking out over Cheerios and are trying to separate them! 

I told her next thing you know he'll be planting those to grow doughnuts! If you want to plant your own doughnut seeds, click here.

oops! I guess they took down Steve McGranahan's video on how to plant doughnuts seeds...darn. it was too funny.

Hope yuns have a good week.

Doctor! Doctor!

A woman in Arkansas brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an earache.

He wrote a prescription for eardrops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of eardrops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours."

well, let's just broadcast it...

oh Blogdom, here is hillbilly-ness at its best.

I reckon if it makes him feel better.

I think its hilarious!

shame on Elyse.

Snit, Snot, Bitches...

Hormones are weird things in the workplace.  If my boss is having a extremely stressful day, she passes that tension on; otherwise, she's a real sweetheart.  Her and I go way back before this company ever merged, so we are familiar with each other.  I know her temperament, she knows mine.  We work well together.

By the time it was 5:30 p.m., she was apologizing to me for being "short and snippy," said she just had nobody she could take it out on, we laughed.  I know the pressure she is under, believe me, and I know the pressure I'll be under when she trapses off to India again for 8 weeks.  Yeah TWO Frickin' Months!!!!! 

Its been a few days of hooty wildness...snow, school closed, an 8-year-old driving me nuts, fighting and scratching, all while trying to do my job from home! You know how girls can be if they are getting on each others nerves, cooped up because of the snow. School had better be in session tomorrow! If that's not enough, my car died yesterday, deader than 4 o'clock.  It won't even turn over, and I haven't even dealt with that yet.  I suppose the weekend is right around the corner, maybe I can bribe a friend to check under the hood and see what is wrong. 

If I make one resolution this year, its to get a damn car! I'm tired of this constant worry with this vehicle.  She's been good to me though for many years now, but like all good things they must end, right? If you'd like to donate to the poor appalachian need-a-car fund, feel free. 

...and on that note, I'll end this. Hope ya'll are having a better week.

Do I look a little stressed?

Yep, that was me at the start of my workday.

Actually I knew yesterday that today was going to be murder on the FQA homefront. Since I am team leader (aka lower class management...lol) I had more jobs than people to get 'er done, and quite frankly it was getting worse by the minute. It seems the recording lines for the doctors were busy, busy, busy! this weekend.  We had tons of work to get out. 

Some of my FQA people can do certain clients, some can not, therefore complicating my dilemma, and furthermore the same sick chicka yesterday evening, let me know she wasn't working today, and client who has a 4-hour turn around and a 6-hour turn around TX client would need coverage.  I was not doing it again tonight, yesterday I had no volunteers...just they wait until they want vacation time! ha!

By 3 p.m., thanks to my diligent staff and much coercion by myself for them to work over if need be, we had this thing licked and we didn't have to work over! and I have coverage for TX and stat files.  Damn I'm good.

..and how was your Monday?

Adult Truths...

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

There is great need for a sarcasm font.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again..

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

I wish Google Maps had an "avoid Ghetto" routing option.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. (ladies......quit laughing!)

A few laughs...

A teacher says, “Okay, class.

Today we’re going to be talking about the tenses. If I say ‘I’m beautiful,’ which tense is it?”

Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Obviously past tense, Ma'am.” 

uhmm...before you laugh...think about this...do U see a verb in that sentence? huh?  LOL

After dying and going to Hell, a man is shown into a room full of beautiful busty blondes and huge kegs full of beer. Shocked, the man turns to a demon and says: "You call this Hell?"



"Absolutely," the demon replies: "The kegs all have holes in them and the blondes don't."



During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criteria was for deciding whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.

"No," said the director. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed by the wall or near the window?"




and now, the Redneck Joke Of The Week...



Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer caused by his cigarette. His body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to ID the body, so they called his two closest friends, Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe, to come in.

Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Jim-Bob looked closely and said: "Yep, he's got burnt up purdy bad. Roll 'im over."

So, the mortician rolled him over, and Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said: "Nope, that ain't Bubba."

The mortician didn't say anything, but thought that was a little bit strange. Then he brought in Billy-Joe to ID the body. Billy-Joe looked at him and said: "Yep, he's burnt up sumpin' real bad. Roll 'im over."

The mortician once again rolled him over, and Billy-Joe looked down at his butt and said: "Nuh-uh, that ain't Bubba.”

The mortician said: "How can you tell?"

Billy-Joe said: "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes? That’s impossible!" said the mortician.

"Yep. Everyone knew about it too, 'cause every time the three of us went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"


hardy-har-har!

TGIF! Did everybody survive the workweek? I'm bushed.

Sweet!

hahaha!

I had to laugh at this time. 

Are all the good men really married?

I have been single for going on six years, excuse me...I should clarify that...I am a single grandmother, raising my 8-year-old granddaughter, but I'm happy with who I am, and I do not need someone to 'complete' me.  Here in Appalachia, there's not a lot to choose from, believe me, especially living in a "married town." 

I am not desperate for a man, but having a significant other to check the fluids in "my car", one who comes with an unlimited account at the local hardware store, and loves completing a "honey-get sex-for-doing-this?" list would be great.  The closest thing I have to male support is a friend of mine who mows my yard for free.  I'm also not looking to support a significant other, or later on...having to bury it, I just want to borrow some sugar, not buy it. 

so, if there are any SWEET 'bad boys' out there who have something to offer, ring my bell.

New Year's Wishes

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber, and the I.R.S.

May your hair, your teeth, your facelift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends. May you find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may the commercials on TV not be louder than the program you have been watching, and may your check book and your budget balance - and include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent, your siblings; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and with the awareness of God's love in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile, every lover's kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.