The Visit Soon Ends...

Dear Blogdom ~

I love to see my little babies come but I like to see them go as well! It's been a long tiring week and weekend to say the least. Did I mention that I had blood work the other day which confirmed that I had not only thyroid issues but I have chronic fatigue syndrome? For those of you who don't know about either of these particular disorders, let me tell you they are fairly comprehensive and physiological, reeking havoc on the entire body! No wonder I could never seem to have the energy I needed ... and having two other children to take care of three days this week has been a little taxing to say the least! I don't think Griszela Mess gets it ... she's just mad that "WE" the YOUNG, SEXY, ATTRACTIVE grand parents don't wish to keep those children any longer than what? since Wednesday?? but I guess she doesn't figure anybody has a life outside of her and her husband's bullshit! and that we're still recuperating from the drama they caused us for nearly a year, which by the way, seems to just go on and on, and on!!! She just got mad at me a little bit ago because we didn't want to keep the kids any longer than tomorrow but I'm over it! She can kiss my royal heiney!

She called last Monday bitching and carrying on something awful, wanting the kids to come up Tuesday instead of Wednesday because she had a doctor's appointment to get on a new medication, called Cyboxin. Supposedly this is better than methadone and of much shorter a duration to come off of drugs completely. Anyway, she said her appointment would take 8 to 10 hours because they would dose her every 2 hours, and have her check back in, and such, so it was decided that instead of putting the children through that, we would get them Tuesday night, which of course, I didn't see them until Wednesday as they spent the night at "his" mom and dad's house because they picked them up halfway and it was late.

She had been off methadone nearly a week and told me she was buying it off the street until she could see that doctor and get on the Cyboxin. OMG! What now?? NOT AGAIN !!!! Her emotional state was erratic as she had called me a couple of times last Monday out of sorts, having withdrawal symptoms, and I worried about her and the kids. Supposedly Lord Spoiled is still holding down the job, and has been on Siboxin as well. He is not very supportive of my daughter, and now since he is working and making the money, he holds that over my daughter's head, making her feel her job of taking care of two children is unimportant.

According to his mother, who came to drop off little Wyatt each morning, her and her baby boy are still attached at the hip. Lord Spoiled calls her mommy every day whining over every little argument with the Evil Griszelda, his wife! It's sickening. I can see right now, she is the meddling mother-in-law, siding against Griszelda, believing every word her baby boy says, undoubtedly he plays the part very well. When is she going to cut her apron strings? I told her in no uncertain terms that I do not get sucked into their drama and neither should she, let them work it out, and STAY OUT OF IT!!!! Somehow I think that is going to be hard for her to do. She would be the type of mother who would encourage her son to leave this woman and take that baby away from her, so SHE could raise it! with her husband who is good for nothing and doesn't work a lick at nothing all day!

Wow, the Queen is on a bitch streak!

Isn't life wonderful? Sprinkle me some damn happy then, fairy godmother!

till next time~

UPDATE: May 19, 2007 ...

Little Queenie had a long journey back to her mother and father's today. She was worn out. Everybody was. It was a long drive. She did call me from her mother's cell phone informing me that she wanted to come back to MY house! that her mother was already being mean to her! [[EMOTICON:GOODGRIEF1]]

but all you have to do is raise your voice even the slightest and she says you're being mean to her! [[EMOTICON:GOODGRIEF2]]

Kindergarten in the fall will be a nice change for her!

I am one of these people who need to put their thoughts to paper. I need to scribble it from heartfelt thought, choke on it if need be, and see the truth in it. Hopefully I will have enough strength to make the changes I need to ensure a more happy, productive life. I haven't written from my heart in a long time, primarily due to others' indiscretions at interpreting my written word to their advantage and somehow twisting it to suit their selfish needs.

I come at this juncture in my life to this forum to to express myself, and allow myself to look inside my life as it was, is, and hopefully come full circle to what it can be. If I didn't state this already I am presently in a relationship. I have times where I struggle with myself over this long-distance relationship with a married man, who supposedly is living independently and separate from his wife. Yet, he remains tied to her. I have grown to love him over the last few years, but I wonder deep down in my heart if he truly cares for me or just feels some sort of pity for me. He would probably hate that thought even came into my head. Truth is, perhaps I have fooled myself into believing that him and I do have this beautiful relationship, when all the time all he really wanted was a friend with fringe benefits. I envisioned more of a love story between a man who has everything he could possibly want in the physical realm, but the true love a woman, and I, his Cinderella hoping he rescues me from this Appalachian hell.

I have a male acquaintenance, one who helps keeps my yard done, I call him my gardener and with whom I entertain a platonic friendship. He and I will hangout, maybe go junking, have a burger, walk about the city park, but that's it for me. He has nothing to offer me, and believe you me, I am not interested in pursuing that. And lately still, a past interest had resurfaced causing stirred confusion only temporarily. I did agree to dinner. Under his charming demeanor lies a man who cannot be trusted, so I was not up for dessert in this particular case. He had his chance a few years back, my life has moved on, and dinner gave me a chance to tell him so after he so inadvertently left me in the dark so to speak. I am not looking to replace my current love interest.

My heart belongs to my baby, plain and simple. Yes, plain and simple I wished it were. I guess you could say I am an emotional dreamer, in search of true love. Isn't that the silliest notion, ever? I say, give me romance and all that encompasses, or give me nothing at all. Romance to me can be a fantasy on paper, or a whirlwind romance in his loving arms. I am a woman who has known men. My body has felt the passion and desire that a handsome face and gentle hands can cause. I've had many a night spent in fiery tango in the arms of my lover. I have been the sweaty partner to my experienced lover; I have held his face within my hands, his body between my thighs ~ but I command his passions with all of my soul and being.

I give it all, and I expect nothing less from a partner. I wonder ~ is the landscape of one's imagination populated with only those erotic ghosts so far beyond the realms of the day to day that we become submerged in our own romantic idiom? Or does the frisson come from the knowledge that the fantasy could actually be reality and is just tantalizingly beyond the outstretched finger tips? I know not where this fastasy will end, or where true love begins. I will embrace the journey and see where it takes me. Blogging it out will give me the expressive outlet I need currently.

Please be advised that from time to time erotica could appear on this blog. If you are uncomfortable with this, please feel free to pass up this blog in favor of another. I also ask that you refrain from any derogatory remarks or judgments on my character or integrity. Like I stated before, those of you you wish to lounge your thoughts here, feel free to do so.

till next time.