Many things have been said about Thanksgiving's ability to unite family,
remind us of what we have and comfort us with great food before the
long winter, but some of the best (and worst) things about the holiday
have been said by comedians. Let's face it: as wonderful as the holiday
may be, a day dedicated to football, gluttony and awkward family moments
with a questionable origin provides more than enough material for a
joke. Check out these quotes about Thanksgiving from a few comedians you'll probably recognize!
Jon Stewart: "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an
old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we
had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."
Jim Gaffigan: "Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even
try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how
about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!'
'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'"
Stephen Colbert: "Thanksgiving is a magical time of
year when families across the country join together to raise America's
obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching
football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends
your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car."
Kevin James: "Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants."
Jack Handey: "If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but
you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else,
just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap
and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back
having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball
to the ground. Then say, 'Boy, these are good cigars!'"
Jay Leno: "You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out."
Johnny Carson: "Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday.
People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a
year. And then discover once a year is way too often." hahaha!
George Carlin: "We're having something a little
different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a
swan. You get more stuffing."
Greg Proops: Ever since you're little you hear this:
'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak
religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little
you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'"
David Letterman: When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a
turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following
Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of
thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was
the cat!
Happy Thanksgiving ya'll!
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