Sunday's ha-ha's for a Monday

Mondays! what Sunday threw up...check these shows out...


A Marine stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky


The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope, along with this note:


Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me."

now that's a great comeback!

here's another chuckle for ya...

The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes, the teacher said: "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude. Where would I be eating?"

After a confused silence, Little Johnny put up his hand and replied: "My guess is you'd be eating alone!"

hahaha!

April Fools' Day...

well, the only prank I got today was one of my employees who came on line. He said, I'm really sick today and I can't work. I was like OMGawd. I was down 2 people yesterday, and now one of my best and most productive is sick, and on a Friday?

He comes back with "April Fools!!!!" I gotcha!

Yes, he did, and for that little prank, he was worked like a little slave boy! ha!

today, I love my job, its Friday and I'm done. I'm so thankful this week is over! How about ya'll?

Any pranks pulled on ya today?

...

To Exercise or Not To Exercise...that is the question...LOL

1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month.
2. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 97 and we don't know where the hell she is. hahaha!
3. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
4. I joined a health club last year, spent about $400. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
5. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing.
6. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
7. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
8. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them?!
9. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
10. If you are going to try cross country skiing, start with a small country.
11. I don't jog - it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

Enjoy your Friday!

A few laughs...

A teacher says, “Okay, class.

Today we’re going to be talking about the tenses. If I say ‘I’m beautiful,’ which tense is it?”

Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Obviously past tense, Ma'am.” 

uhmm...before you laugh...think about this...do U see a verb in that sentence? huh?  LOL

After dying and going to Hell, a man is shown into a room full of beautiful busty blondes and huge kegs full of beer. Shocked, the man turns to a demon and says: "You call this Hell?"



"Absolutely," the demon replies: "The kegs all have holes in them and the blondes don't."



During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criteria was for deciding whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.

"No," said the director. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed by the wall or near the window?"




and now, the Redneck Joke Of The Week...



Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer caused by his cigarette. His body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to ID the body, so they called his two closest friends, Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe, to come in.

Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Jim-Bob looked closely and said: "Yep, he's got burnt up purdy bad. Roll 'im over."

So, the mortician rolled him over, and Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said: "Nope, that ain't Bubba."

The mortician didn't say anything, but thought that was a little bit strange. Then he brought in Billy-Joe to ID the body. Billy-Joe looked at him and said: "Yep, he's burnt up sumpin' real bad. Roll 'im over."

The mortician once again rolled him over, and Billy-Joe looked down at his butt and said: "Nuh-uh, that ain't Bubba.”

The mortician said: "How can you tell?"

Billy-Joe said: "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes? That’s impossible!" said the mortician.

"Yep. Everyone knew about it too, 'cause every time the three of us went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"


hardy-har-har!

TGIF! Did everybody survive the workweek? I'm bushed.

Monday's ha-ha on a Sunday...

got milk?

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"


*here's a thought for the day* ~ Character is what you are.  Reputation is what people think you are.

Simon's Cat...

 These are the funniest videos, and if you haven't seen them, you should! This cat is always hungry and loves to give subtle hints to his loving master. 

If you'd like to find out more information about the author/animator, click here.

Need an alarm clock? nah, just get a pet! This video is actually the first video that Simon Tofield did. 



I always like this one...but this "fly" one is hilarious! and just like a darn cat! LOL 

Today in the land of "twats-and-whatnots"

(that's short for urology) I just about fell out of my chair laffing on this one.

"The patient complains of difficulty with urination and perennial pain."

 You mean its seasonal? hahaha! (should be 'perineal' relating to between the legs)

Ole Frank here could suffer some perennial pain if she whacks him with that book she's trying to read!  




shame on you Frank!    

and the other belly laugh I got today was reading this sentence,

“He gets along well with his living girlfriend."   

  

Staff Meeting...

Today I was back on urology reports mostly all day long.  Over the weekend one of my Blogstream friends had posted this joke, and I thought it was hilarious, and worth another laugh on this long Monday! it's been another day in the land of penises and twats, and all that rot!  


and here comes the joke, here comes the joke...

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!)

When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt-out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest.

The theme ~ Viagra advertising slogans.

The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone!


The Top 10 were:

10. Viagra … Whaazzzz up!

9. Viagra … The quicker pecker picker upper.

8. Viagra … Like a rock!

7. Viagra … When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra … Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra… Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra … Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra … Home of the whopper!

2. Viagra … We bring good things to Life!

And the unanimous #1 slogan:

This is your pee-pee. This is your pee-pee on drugs.

hahaha!    =))

O'Class...The Teacher Is In...

Today's lesson is all about Orgasms...

Orgasms? Are you kidding? 



Well, I never! I am not going to watch that!

I know, I know...after the Creepy Doll thing, I felt I should at least have a Halloween day after shocker?!

Okay, don't fake that you didn't watch it now!      



ain't I a stinker?!  

Fright To The Finish

I love a good cartoon! Especially when it involves figamentations and superstishkins!



and while I'm gathering up that scary dolly pictures! ooooo!

Thursday already?!

Wanta little sugar with your tea, girls?

Ask for Tau over at Simon's place! You gotta read this.

wow, this week has flown by!

almost Halloween...

and then November...more cold weather, turkey and pumpkin pie...and snow...

and then there's only 56 days until Christmas?

scary...LOL

and today in my transcription world, I have knocked off 55 reports so far, and 25 more still remaining on my roster to do! ugh!  but time for lunch...a nice egg sammich with cheese on toast! however, I am craving a chicken/ham cordon bleu sub from the local subshop! and you can bet you sweet bippee if I had a car (nope no car yet, another gripe for a another day) I'd be there today!!!!

oh yeah and before I forget...later on and tomorrow I will be posting some more scary babydoll pics! just in time for Halloween...and of course a Friday Night Fright!

For The Gal Who Has Everything...

Porn for Women -- (a paperback novel)

Prepare to enter a fantasy world. A world where clothes get folded just so, delicious dinners await, and flatulence is just not that funny. Give the fairer sex what they really want—beautiful PG photos of hunky men cooking, listening, asking for directions, accompanied by steamy captions: "I love a clean house!" or "As long as I have two legs to walk on, you'll never take out the trash." Now this is porn that will leave women begging for more!

Hysterical rated PG full color photos of men cooking, cleaning, and catering to women's every "real" desire.

If you'd like to check out other things on this site,

click here.

I don't know about ya'll but this book sounds hilarious and its cheap! I think I'll get one as a gag gift for my friend, Susie at Christmas!

Did you know bloggers, it is only 101 days till Christmas?!