The Hot Night Before Christmas Party...

‘Twas the night before Christmas

and all through the house,

all Ya’ll was drunk

‘cept for the mouse.

The stockings were scattered

and panties were too,

for all who came by

to see what you do.

The children, ‘cross town

where carols, they’ll sing,

while you and your friends

party and swing.

Me in my thong

and you, without pants,

all watched from the couch,

the prostitutes dance.

Our new friends this evening

now know us too well,

and all who are with us

hope no one will tell.

When up on the roof

we heard such a noise

like the pulsing vibrations

of our favorite toys.

While out on the lawn

arose such a clatter,

but we were all stoned

so it didn’t matter.

When in walked the vice squad,

warrants and all,

and you said, “He’s cute,”

pointing at one tall.

And he said, “Hands up,

and do what you’re told.”

But you replied, “Bondage

is getting so old!”

So down at the station

they dragged us all in.

I called my bondsman

to make bail again.

But my bondsman was busy

with problems his own.

Seems he’s in here with us

and no one’s at home.

It’s the night before Christmas

and we’re all in jail.

Do you think Dear Ol’ Santa

might go our bail?

Then we could all party again, New Year’s.