OhMYWord~! Have you ever heard of such stuff ?...

Well, these are definitely not your everyday product slogans or jingles!


Don't Be A Fool, Rubberize Your Tool.
The Right Selection Will Protect Your Erection.
She Won't Get Sick If You Wrap Your Dick.
No Glove, No Love!
Wrap It In Foil Before Checking Her Oil.
Never, Never Deck Her With An Unwrapped Pecker.
When Your Undressing Venus, Dress Up Your Penis.
If You Go Into Heat, Package Your Meat.
If You Think She's Spunky Cover Your Monkey.
Cover Your Stump Before You Hump.
Don't Be Silly, Protect Your Willy.
When In Doubt, Shroud Your Spout.
It Will Be Sweeter If You Wrap Your Peter.
You Can't Go Wrong If You Shield Your Dong.
If You Slip Between Her Thighs, Be Sure To Condomize.
Don't Be A Fool! Cover Your Tool.
(I think Mr. T came up with this last one!)

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for more condom fun, click here!

No Excuses Monday...

OLD LADIES IN CAR Pictures, Images and Photos

In small town, Mayberry, U.S.A, a patrolman was making his evening rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a car.

He stopped and inquired as to why they were sitting there in the car.

Excuse me Ladies, surely you gals weren't trying to steal this car were you? 

"Heavens no, officer, we bought it."

"Then why haven't you drive it away?"

"We can't drive."

"Well for goodness sakes why did you buy it?"

"We were told that if we bought a used car here we'd get screwed, so we're just waiting."

(yeah, yeah, I know it was bad!goodgrief)

I Plead Insanity...or at least dementia!

Yesterday I was at the drug store picking up my prescriptions that the doctor wanted me to start, and I noticed instead that my usual dose of hypothyroid medicine was doubled! Yikes! That should perk me up, huh? and perhaps I'll lose some of this 6 pound winter coat I've tacked on due to my dead physiological state! ha!

Anyway, as I was preparing to pay for my stuff, I stuck my bank debit card in the slot and proceeded to put in my 4 digit pin, and the darn thing wouldn't work! TWICE! The lady behind the counter said I should contact my bank and I did today...

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Come to find out what happened was that my card was "locked." It seems that Yours Truly, Miss Dementia here lately LOL had punched in the wrong debit # a few times (this I know! cause I kept trying at Foodland the other day) and teen laughed at me, reminded me that my number was NOT my other daughter's phone#! Well, it was familiar anyway! ha! and don't laugh, it could happen to you! The bank lady asked me, "Do you know your 4 digit code?" I assured her that I did and she reactivated it. I didn't mind the security of it, just the embarrassment of my stupidity!

Yep and tonight I need to shoot myself tonight with some B12. I always dread that needlestick! however I'm going to need all the energy I can muster to get me through the week. Ah, and in the world of transcription today (which was nothing but long-assed winded psyche doctors), this doctor said the patient said he was allergic to pollen and poison! Poison? Yeah, well who ain't allergic to that, huh? It cracked me up!!

In other news, I suppose if the gardener is back in town I haven't seen him yet; however my nextdoor neighbor who fancies him I think was asking me about him. I'll give him her regards when I see him. She is single and available and so is he! hey! I'm off to go look at daughter's Earth Science now, and do some root touchups since I am all by myself this evening as teen is working.

and speaking of the teen, she wanted to call off work this evening, but I told her she had better not! I know I'm a slave driver, but she's new and if she starts calling off now that just doesn't look good! She proceeded to whine that she had worked 3 days in a row...lol...going on that pity me trip...! Besides I told her think of all the money you'll have to spend! I also reminded her that SHE wanted this job, so it was HER responsibility to work it or call off herself, as I was not calling her off!!! Needless to say, she bucked up and went on to work! Good for her, I'm proud of her.

See yuns on the flip side!

by the way, does anybody have the answer to this?

Which of the following is true about solids ...

A. the energy that binds the particles together is great...
B. the particles move quickly and independently from one another...
C. the particles are able to slide past one another
or D. they have a definite volume, but no definite shape...

I know Earth Science was not my strongest subject but this is ridiculous and is driving me nuts!!!!!!

Let The Pills Do The Talking ...

Check out this site.  It cracked me up frankly.  In dealing with a teen who has psychological issues and an older daughter who has drug induced mood swings, I can relate to these T-shirts on a personal level!

Straight Jacket T-Shirts: When you're crazy enough to let your medication do the talking for you!

On this website, you'll find a line of crappy shirts in a unique design obviously created by someone whose medications are not quite right. We hope these shirts will allow you to share your inner turmoil with strangers in the form of pithy sayings expressed in our singular Pill Font. T-shirts that spell it out with the meds for those who Just. Don't Get. It. Written with the real pills that comprised the psychiatric / neurological cocktails that we are now or have taken at one time or another. Some worked, most didn't. Maybe there are also some pills on these shirts that you have taken, are now taking, or will take. With any luck those medications are or will work for you.  I wished I could say that we've found the right medication for my teen. 

Click on the link to each section to find shirts taking you through a psychopharmacological didactic regarding our conditions and the issues involved with being mentally interesting. Most of which can be summed up as telling various mental illnesses and/or people to fuck off. That, or are aspects of a dialog that make sense only to those of you who are also aware of the reptilian conspiracy and are preparing for the time of reckoning.

With so many designs (over 40) and shirt styles (eight to sixteen for each design) I've put the shirts into different sections, and sections with larger numbers of shirts have a sub-section for each design. So much for making this site marginally less annoying than either a large Goodwill in sketchy neighborhood or a Hot Topic in an upscale mall.
Bipolar Rollercoaster
Shirts to buy during a manic spending spree:

I'm So Happy I Could Kill Myself
Fuck Bipolar!
Bipolar Sucks!
alt.depressed.as.fuck
As if you you deserved to buy these shirts:

Whale Shit On The Bottom Of The Ocean
Fuck Depression!
Depression Sucks!
Obsessed and/or Compulsive
OCD shirts. OCD shirts. OCD shirts. OCD shirts. Wash four times before wearing:

OCD Sucks!
Fuck OCD!
Those Crazy Meds
Shirts that let the meds express how you feel about your meds:

I Love My Meds!
Meds Suck Less Than Crazy
6 Meds "Made Me Eat It"
4 Meds killed your sex life and more!
Stigma Busting
Come out of the mental health closet with these shirts:

Mentally Interesting
Brain Cooties Aren't Contagious
Batshit Crazy
Medicated For Your Protection
Say it with Pills
Not otherwise specified shirts:

I Feel Fantastic!
I Always Take My Medicine
Extra Medication For All!
My Doctor Can Beat Up Your Doctor
Hug/Touch Me And Die/I'll Kill You
and more!

Blue Friday...

When my teen walked in the door at 7:30 this morning, I realized she had been out all night. God knows where she was, or who she was with. She was pretty rude to me this morning when I confronted her about it, and she just went to her room and gave me the silent treatment, and slept until practically time for her to go to work at 5.

It is almost 10 o'clock p.m. and I still don't know anymore than I did when she came in the door. She worked her part time job tonight, and it's probably a good thing. I don't want to fight with this 17 year old but she has to realize there are rules and consequences, and too bad if she doesn't like it. Even though I would like to have a discussion with her, it probably will not happen as one of her friends Betty came over and she is sitting at work over there with her until she gets off. I suppose Betty is spending the night here.

It's been a hard day for me.

Update on Friday Night.

When the teen got off at 10 p.m., I picked them both up.  It was not a good time to bring up the discussion again as she had Betty over here, and before I knew it, she had invited that boy over, obviously the same boy she was with last night.  She introduced me to Justin, but gave me no details really about who he was or whatever.  Bobbi knew I was upset with her and really took advantage of the fact that she had company here and they all wanted to get something to eat.  Despite my better judgment I told them they could go out to eat but to be back in no later than midnight.  What did they do? They stayed out all night again, drank, got drunk and God knows what all.  Betty came waltzing in at nearly 11 a.m. Saturday morning, with a different shirt on than the one she wore out of here, said she had walked from their house nearly 13 blocks away and said Bobbi was still there.  I told Betty I wanted her to take me back over here to pick up Bobbi, but once we got over there she could not pick out the residence.  Isn't that queer? Anyway once back home, I had her call that kid's cellphone.  At nearly 12 noon we finally picked up Bobbi Jo at a nearby gas/covenience store.  Those boys didn't have the common courtesy to bring her home or wait till I showed up to pick her up.  I spent the night Friday night/Saturday morning worried sick and then livid!

Eat More Pineapple!

I love pineapple, always have, but fruit is almost a luxury on a budget income, as fruit prices have skyrocketed along with everything else!  However, next time out to the grocery I'm going to splurge on a good fresh pineapple because the health benefits!

But how do you pick a good one out at the grocery?  How do you know if it's ripe or not?  Turns out it starts ripening as soon as it is picked, and when in the grocery you have to pick one out by smell.  If it smells fresh, tropical and sweet, it will be good! The more scales it has the sweeter the juicier the taste..and did you know that if you cut off the top it will grow just like a sweet potato does!

Since I have a slow digestive system thanks to this thyroid issue and a B12 deficiency, I'm always looking for ways to improve my metabolism.  I can hardly eat any meats any more.  I think going vegan may be more to my liking, but I worry that I won't get the nutrients I need.  With my B12 deficiency, my stomach lining does not absorb stuff like normal people do; that is why I have to give myself B12 injections and take supplements, and try to learn healthier things to eat (all of course on a budget which ain't easy!).  I did a little research on pineapple and it is a very good choice for me, and hopefully you'll think about next time you see them in the store.

I found out that the pineapple is a member of the bromeliad family.  What the heck is that? just keep reading...It is extremely rare that bromeliads produce edible fruit, and that the pineapple is the only available edible bromeliad today.  Who knew right? I just know it tastes good, but as it turns out pineapple is valuable for easing indigestion, arthritis, or sinusitis.  It says the juice has an anthelmintic effect (say what?); and it helps get rid of intestinal worms! Worms? You mean we all have worms? that's another topic of exploration.

However, in finding out more about the pineapple, they say it is high in manganese, a mineral that is critical to the development of strong bones and connective tissue, and would be particularly helpful to older adults, whose bones tend to become brittle with age.

Now here's the scoop on bromelain.  Bromelain, a proteolytic enzyme, is the key to pineapple’s value. Proteolytic means “breaks down protein”, which is why pineapple is known to be a digestive aid. It helps the body digest proteins more efficiently.Bromelain is also considered an effective anti-inflammatory. Regular ingestion of at least one half cup of fresh pineapple daily is purported to relieve painful joints common to osteoarthritis.  It produces mild pain relief. In Germany, bromelain is approved as a post-injury medication because it is thought to reduce inflammation and swelling (okay, I'm not so sure I believe this one).  However, I might try increasing my ingestion of pineapple to improve my digestion!

Most everybody knows that orange juice is a popular liquid for those suffering from a cold because it is high in Vitamin C.  Fresh pineapple is not only high in Vitamin C, but because of the bromelain, it has the ability to reduce mucus in the throat. If you have a cold with a productive cough, add pineapple to your diet. I'm sure a little pineapple is cheaper than Mucinex huh? and probably safer for the kids who get congested through the winter months? It is commonly used in Europe as a post-operative measure to cut mucus after certain sinus and throat operations. Those individuals who eat fresh pineapple daily report fewer sinus problems related to allergies. In and of itself, pineapple has a very low risk for allergies.

Pineapple is also known to discourage blood clot development. This makes it a valuable dietary addition for frequent fliers and others who may be at risk for blood clots.

An old folk remedy for morning sickness is fresh pineapple juice. It really works! Fresh juice and some nuts first thing in the morning often makes a difference. It’s also good for a healthier mouth. The fresh juice discourages plaque growth.

Pineapples are a great fruit to eat in between meals to improve digestion. You can also eat a few chunks of fresh pineapple first thing in the morning as a digestive aid.  The article I read suggests eating pineapple on a low to empty stomach to get the most bromelain induced effects.

You can also grill it; stick chunks on a skewer for a grilled or raw pineapple kabob!  Raw pineapple, now really is there such a thing? ha!

~the disappointing frog and a tale of woe~

A woman storms into a pet shop demanding her money back from the owner. You sold me this frog and told me it would be able to satisfy all my sexual desires!

The clerk tries to calm her down and asks, "Did you do what I told you to do?"

"Yes, dammit!"

"I got naked, lay back on my bed, and put him between my legs just like you said, and he did nothing!" she shouts.

The owner, looking confused, replies, it's a perfectly trained frog. I can't understand what the problem is.

He takes the woman and the frog to a back room in the shop, where he places the frog on a small table next to a bed and asks the woman to please lie down and remove her panties.

"What?" she shouts.

Turning to the frog, he says ... "Now watch carefully, because this is the last time I'm showing you this!"

liked the frog one huh ? well, here's another~

Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off his penis ...(yes you heard me) ... after this mistress found the ring in his pants pocket !

She got so mad at him that she stuck it on him while he was asleep ...

Now,I don't know about you folks, but I don't know what's worse ...

1)  having your Mistress find out that you are married ...
2) explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got ON your penis , oops .. OR ...
3) finding out that your ittybitty penis fits through your wedding ring !!!


blah...blah...Monday...

Okay ...obviously I am really bored here...LOL

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talking about boredom, try typing psyche doctor reports all day! after about the 10th long-winded Ph.D's monotone voice and otherwise boring dictations (no good crazy stories to report today), my brain died...only my fingers were alive at that point.  I think in order to spice up those long psyche days, I might have to tankup!


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say what? How did this picture violate Photobucket terms ...good grief!


Yes, the name is Monique! I'm unique! Nice to meet you, wanta fork me?! (Fork me, I'm done?! okay I give up on this one!)

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"well, I have to say that *bleep* was better than the other explicative!"

Let's make Mondays a motivational poster day, whaddaya say?

Go on click here. to make your own motivational poster, and holler back! just for fun I made one more... perhaps I should have used baa-a-dassness! lol

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