I Can't Stand a Thief or a Liar...

Gawd...Some things are so intrinsically wrong they make my blood boil when they happen ... and stealing from me is #1. Denying with lying is #2.  I don't give a shit if you are family or not, if you steal from me, don't think I'm not going to notice, and don't think for one minute that I don't know you stole it, and know for real that I can see through the denial and lying eyes.  You had opportunity.  You had need. Did you think I haven't noticed this has happened before?  Yes, I've noticed, and your crutch would be to use your sister, after all I would believe "she" stole it, right?  Sure...that was YOUR thinking...however that wasn't the case. 

Yes, your sister had a drug addiction problem.  Yes, she stole, lied and connived to support her habit, and so did her do-less husband, no good for nothing.  But don't think for one minute that you are off the hook, because I know for a fact your sister didn't do it.  In fact, she brought money into this house this evening for me to put up for her to save for her rent because she doesn't trust herself not to spend it, as she is an impulsive shopper.  I have a hard enough time trying to build back any trust and respect that your sister destroyed, only to have to worry that now its you who is stealing and deceiving me?  

I have never been so hurt in my life by members of my own family, or even those who had professed to love me at some point in my life, aka your own father who made my life a living hell for years.  I don't have issues with trusting people, in general, just those people who have turned into thieves, liars, or fakes.  I can't stand a fake person either.  You know those people who put more value on 'keeping up with the Joneses and collecting things' rather than having any true grit.  Take Mother-In-Law for instance, she is one of those.  I never thought I would see you fall into this category of liars and thieves, and it hurts me a lot. 

If somebody really needs something from me, they ask, they don't just steal it.  Ask and ye shall receive, right? but steal from your own mother?  If you can't trust your own family, who can you trust? I don't care who you are, stealing from your own family is a cardinal sin.  I am good to you; I pay for you to drive keeping you in insurance, pay your cellphone bill, and you steal money out of my billfold?  I took you just tonight and bought you things you needed; items you wanted, and when we got back home, I am on the porch distracted with a neighbor who dropped by on the sidewalk to chat, while you obviously took that opportunity to lift a few twenty dollar bills.  Can you live with your deceitful deed, really?  after you kissed and hugged me bye.  As your mother, I feel ashamed of you, truly. Will I even try to talk to you about this?  I doubt it.  What good would it do? You would just deny it right? I know what you did.  You know what you did. Its shameful, and not to mention it really just pisses me off.  

Excuse me bloggers, I really had to get this off my chest.  Next purchase: a home lockable combination safe.

Monday Monday

 da da...da da da...so good to me...

bite me!

On the workfront, I guess Deb and I are going to train another girl to help with evening shift and when  I go on va'kashun! which will be here soon! I can't wait.  I will be off starting the 18th through the 27th. As far as the new chicka, I think the best way to train her is to have her jump in the middle and get her feet wet, strictly dayshift! that's how I was taught.  sink or swim!

I remember not being at all prepared when I took on this management position (Deb went to India on me, so I had nobody to ask), and while Deb is good to teach you when she teaches you, she just neglects teaching you stuff...LOL...I mean real stuff you need to know, or maybe she covered it and I just wasn't listening?! I can't remember it seems years ago now.  I guess in this business you don't want to over-train people right? They'll take YOUR job.  Well by the time I train her it probably won't matter, the whole management team will be outsourced! ha! We will all become auditors.

While cruising for TV entertainment, I started watching a couple of new TV food series shows; one the next Food Network star to win their own show, and Chef Ramsey was on tonight too.  Speaking of food, I bought some of the best fresh peaches and strawberries.  OMGosh!  they were so fresh and delicious, I have thoroughly 'pigged out on them'.  *me making a pig snort sound* hahaha!

What other news needs catching up on?  Bella is in day camp at the YMCA which is costing me a small fortune, plus I have to send her lunch.  Grown daughter (Bella's mom) got a job at a local donut shop, pouring coffee, eating donuts, and waiting on insomniacs who cannot sleep.  Still clean, doing well.  Yeah, she can't sleep either it seems; its hard to get used to a midnight schedule.  I don't know how she is going to manage this very long. I could never do midnights.  Never.  

Anyway, whats the news in your neck of the woods?   tell me, tell me...

Mother's Day

I promised Mother's Day pics. Here is my daughter and granddaughter...acting goofy for the camera.

Many of you know the plight of this family for some time.  My daughter has struggled with drug addiction, bad marriage, losing custody of her own children, putting up with an addicted husband/codependency, however finally has come to see the light of day.

She is working hard to earn back self-respect, earning trust from family, and more importantly trying to mend relationships in her life.  Lets hope her efforts continue for the sake of her children.  Her hubby is where he needs to stay, in jail, and Rae is stronger everyday.

She is looking actively for a job, and a place to live, and is currently staying at the local shelter, hanging out with me during the days.  She has never felt the need to be alone, sometimes to the point of being around less than desirable humans (especially that husband of hers) and prefers to be in the company of someone.  She just doesn't like to be alone, or feel alone.

I can honestly say I have hope for her. I haven't seen her this well in a long time.  There is always hope.  As long as we breathe its all about hope and family.

Gatlingburg in June

My son is getting married in June to his live-in girlfriend of a few years now. I guess they've decided to make it legal for whatever reason. Its not their first rodeo at being married; both of them have been there, done that, and divorced their first spouses. She has children from her first marriage.

The wedding is June 3rd in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, 5 nearly 6 hours away! ugh. I am not one to sit in a car that long. I am going to hate driving that distance. You can't fly there or get a bus there, even still who would want to bus that long. I was thinking train, but even they don't go to Gatlinburg, only Memphis and one other city in Tennessee will Amtrak go to. Memphis? Shiz. I ain't going there.


This photo of The Highlands Condominium is courtesy of TripAdvisor

The Highlands Condominiums is where the wedding will be held outside on a mountaintop, and the prices of the condominiums are decent, really nice. Here is the link. I think we should be making a reservation and soon! I think a 3-bedroom condo unit is 219 a night, that's only 70 some bucks per family unit, say me, sis, and my daughter and her boyfriend. That's not too shabby. It comes with 2 full baths, full kitchen, private balconies, its nice. I might get there and never leave! LOL

Anybody live in Gatlinburg?

this beautiful baby was a gift given to me 18 years ago...
has it really been that long? it doesn't seem possible.
This picture was taken with her peeking at the world from my shoulder
at a tender 3 months of age.
She would stop pedal traffic anywhere I took her,
people commenting on how beautiful she was,
that she should have been the "Charmin" face...
and when she finally walked at 1 year 1 week old she was a traveling cutie,
so tiny and delicate.
She has grown up to be a stunning girl
without makeup (however she prefers it)
...back then she was my baby,
and only stepped on my toes, now steps on my heart on occasion; and now I have to compete for her attention from the boys!

Bobbi took this picture goofing off!

Anyway, she graduates high school this evening.

I'll post her graduation pic when I get back.

Remembering When...

She was a happy child, gentle, loving, and quite beautiful. She was so tiny trotting down the halls at the mall which she loved to do. She would stop traffic. Her smile was infectious and people doted on her. Gone are the days of her childhood.

As she passes through the storm of teenagehood and especially with what she is going through presently, I hope she knows that I will stand beside her all the way, and realize I have always loved her, always will, despite her own father's effort to destroy both of us.

"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved."

In the words of Jack Nicholson,

"Go peddle crazy somewhere else, we're all full up here."

Yesterday was the craziest day here. Yes it was one of those days where "all hell breaks loose" and tests your patience and tenacity, and pushes you beyond your limits of endurance!

My oldest daughter, who has a past dependency of drug abuse and a history of hepatitis C, and who is brain damaged I suspect from disease processes and/or still on drugs? has bouts of psychotic behaviors in which she is belligerent, has paranoia, bullies, threatens, sobs, turns on you and then by nightfall seems fine? uhh...yeah. Not to mention she has two children who are bewildered by her behavior as well everybody else and once you feel the sting of all her craziness you wonder what the hell just happened and what on God's earth is anybody going to do? She thinks she has no problem and refuses to get help for herself.

She is married and I told her husband that she needs to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital or something. She came over here saying somebody was out to kill her, and then calling someone and she was going right back over to the house? Makes no sense. She refused earlier in the afternoon to pick up the kids from school or daycare and didn't care, said let Social Services have them, and knew my car was broken down being belligerent to me because I didn't give her money. It was a big scene at her house when I dropped the kids off by asking a friend of mine to take me to get them. She threatened to call the law on me if I took my granddaughter home with me because she didn't want to stay with her mother, so I had to leave her there with her acting crazy and making threats. I hate to bring the law into personal family matters, but if she refuses to get help I just might have to. She and the kids were not at the house long before she dropped them off shortly after I had come home stating she was being followed, acting paranoid, saying that someone was trying to kill her. She then calls someone to take her back to her house? It was nuts I tellya.

I told mother-in-law that her son needed to get her help, or commit her or something. But one has to wonder if hubby has an horse sense, as he has dependency issues as well in the past to include nearly dying of overdose and then going right back to abusing?! He doesn't support his family well either and barely holds a job to take care of their needs adding to my daughter's stress and mental issues I suppose. I tell you this is some drama without a happy ending looks like.

Not to mention my car is totally out of commission for two days now. I have no brakes at all, it won't hold fluid, the line is broken. Is there anything else that could do wrong?

Yes, but I don't have time to pound it out at present. It's back to the grind.

Nearly Sunday ...

My house is quiet tonight. The teen is off spending the night with a friend whose birthday is tomorrow. This girl is not 16 yet, and doesn't drive so I'm not worried they're out running wild, or are they? My teens seems not to be at a loss for friends here lately, especially of the male persuasion. Just yesterday at Wal-Mart she was flirted with, and of course he was polite to me; however he's a man at 19 and she's jail bait, and my baby still! Good Lord, back off...

As far as my son, he is on chemotherapy pills for his esophageal cancer and only in his 30s. He will see the doctor back in two months. They believe they caught it early enough, I sure hope so. He lives about five hours away from me so I don't get to see him very often. I miss him. As far as my male friend who had the prostate biopsy, he will know the results this week, they said 10 days, (biopsy done Apr. 10th), so by Monday he should get a phone call. I hope and pray that these two men in my life will be around for many years to come. I'm not prepared to let either of them slip out of my life. I lost my good ex a few years ago to lung cancer, that was the hardest thing ever. I was blessed to have him in my life for nine years, and he loved my girls unconditionally which they needed so desperately.

I sometimes wonder why God takes the good ones out of our lives while some of the more vile creatures (the evil ex) in our lives still slither around. I did find out that the trial is scheduled to begin July 20th. I can't say I'm too happy about this, I just want it to be over for my daughter. It is so hard to have this bear on her heart for what will be a year in August. Wow, time has flown by.

In other news, Michael, a friend of mine, stopped by today and cut my yard. He has cut my yard for nothing for a few years now. He's pretty, and such a dear heart. His visit the first of the week caught me off guard, of course I was nasty myself, stinky, having a bad hair day, and top of that, the teen and I were having a argument, perfect timing, as usual! He has a knack for that...however, that kiss has stayed on my mind. I wished my New York baby would pay his girl a visit, and soon! I really miss not having love and affection, it's making me feel old and cranky, damnit! Perhaps I could steal some affection from the gardener?

Yes, it's been an interesting week, I nearly burnt down my kitchen and the next day I stubbed my right foot and broke my fourth toe, and it's still a pretty shade of purple!

I need a vacation...and a good roll in the hay!

Esophageal Cancer

"Drinking steaming hot tea has been linked with an increased risk of esophageal (food tube) cancer, Iranian scientists have found.

The British Medical Journal study found that drinking black tea at temperatures of 70C or higher increased the risk.

Experts said the finding could explain the increased esophageal cancer risk in some non-Western populations. Adding milk, as most tea drinkers in Western countries do, cools the drink enough to eliminate the risk.....for the full article, click here.

I love hot tea myself, but never did I think it could cause me problems, but like everything else, aren't we to take this with a grain of salt? Give me a little honey instead, thank you.

I just learned that my son has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer and he is only 30ish. He has been having esophageal reflux for a few years, which had worsened. After undergoing recent testing, it was determined that the ulcer is cancer at an early stage. One can imagine that if the stomach acid is constantly coming up to inflame the esophagus it would break down the tissue, thereby over time causing a precancerous or cancerous situation. I have done a bit of research, and pictures are just awful to look at, and not to mention the outlook isn't too good if it is not caught early. I also think of another blogger who is himself fighting this battle. My son is on chemotherapy pills, and will need to see his oncologist back in two months. I am hoping the best for my blog friend, too.

Please, if you or a family suffer with stomach problems, indigestion and/or reflux tell them to talk to their physician, and opt for medical treatment instead of just treating it with over the counter antacids. Esophageal and stomach cancers are one of the fastest rising cancers in the US today. Be vigilant about your health.

Easter Sunday

My sister, the boyfriend, and my niece have come and gone back home. I saw my mom's husband yesterday (it was his birthday), and daughter and my grandkids dressed in their Sunday best today, how cute! However, I never saw my other sister, my son, or nephew and his family. My son called my sister back today and they talked obviously about his health status, which I knew he had undergone some tests, but I hadn't heard back from him even though he has been on my mind. He has really bad reflux and I have been worried about him. After my sis talked with him on the phone today, she told me he has esophageal cancer? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what she told me, and something about chemotherapy? Why, as his mother, would he not tell me? Belinda says he doesn't want to worry me, he knows I have enough to contend with, but he's my only boy. My first born. My first love. I just feel numb.

Blue Friday...

When my teen walked in the door at 7:30 this morning, I realized she had been out all night. God knows where she was, or who she was with. She was pretty rude to me this morning when I confronted her about it, and she just went to her room and gave me the silent treatment, and slept until practically time for her to go to work at 5.

It is almost 10 o'clock p.m. and I still don't know anymore than I did when she came in the door. She worked her part time job tonight, and it's probably a good thing. I don't want to fight with this 17 year old but she has to realize there are rules and consequences, and too bad if she doesn't like it. Even though I would like to have a discussion with her, it probably will not happen as one of her friends Betty came over and she is sitting at work over there with her until she gets off. I suppose Betty is spending the night here.

It's been a hard day for me.

Update on Friday Night.

When the teen got off at 10 p.m., I picked them both up.  It was not a good time to bring up the discussion again as she had Betty over here, and before I knew it, she had invited that boy over, obviously the same boy she was with last night.  She introduced me to Justin, but gave me no details really about who he was or whatever.  Bobbi knew I was upset with her and really took advantage of the fact that she had company here and they all wanted to get something to eat.  Despite my better judgment I told them they could go out to eat but to be back in no later than midnight.  What did they do? They stayed out all night again, drank, got drunk and God knows what all.  Betty came waltzing in at nearly 11 a.m. Saturday morning, with a different shirt on than the one she wore out of here, said she had walked from their house nearly 13 blocks away and said Bobbi was still there.  I told Betty I wanted her to take me back over here to pick up Bobbi, but once we got over there she could not pick out the residence.  Isn't that queer? Anyway once back home, I had her call that kid's cellphone.  At nearly 12 noon we finally picked up Bobbi Jo at a nearby gas/covenience store.  Those boys didn't have the common courtesy to bring her home or wait till I showed up to pick her up.  I spent the night Friday night/Saturday morning worried sick and then livid!

New Year 2009 ...

slipped in before I realized it! There was no celebration. I thought my daughter had made plans but her boyfriend came over early and left long before midnight. Neither daughter or I had stayed awake long enough to see the ball drop into 2009, but no big whoop really. This next year will be what it is and nothing more. I want my daughter to realize all the potential she has, and the changes that are headed her way. One thing is for sure, her father's case with go to trial and it will be over, one way or another.

I think all of us are going to be subpoenaed guests by the commonwealth, and I'm not sure Bobbi is ready for this. I do worry that she will suffer more guilt if he does get convicted, but she has information that is similar to other testimony in the case and she will be testifying. The next question is whether we can close the courtroom and even take her dad out. I'm not sure about that one. I just don't think she can handle seeing him sitting there. She hasn't seen him since she left out there in August.

This year, I would love to truly feel loved once again, and I would love to find the joy in family that has been missing for a while. No big resolutions. Looking for nothing but love really.

Merry Christmas Eve To Me

and my daughter whose 16 and upstairs rocking to her music and typing with her friends on MySpace, while I'm down here trying to put a few emotions on paper.  Today, I worked 4 hours, as I do medical transcription for a living, and no doubt it will be a busy week to come to get things out in a timely fashion.  Anyway, after working four hours I took my daughter to the pawn shop (almost a tradition here!) for her to pick her out a piece of jewelry for Christmas.  It was new, not a pawned piece, but that would have been okay too if we had found one she liked.  She opted for a opal ring with two diamonds on either side of it.  It was a little more than my budget going in, but she's worth it, and it's the only present I can give out, outside of love.

My eldest daughter came by with the kids; Isabella and Wyatt, age 6 and 2.  I am a little concerned about Isabella; she is not herself here lately and seems stressed and was acting out with crying and such.  Her mother (my eldest daughter) has been acting nuts lately.  She has come here bullying me for money on several occasions, and over the past few months I have thought they are back again on drugs, and I believe that is the issue.  I hate to say it, but tonight she came in around 8:30 ish, demanding to get in, cursing at the door, so once I let her in (against my better judgment), she demanded I give her a couple of dollars; I refused, so she grabbed my purse and took off with it out the door, I ran out after her; a struggle pursued, she hit me repeatedly and kicked me, it was awful.  I was scared. 

Before I knew it, out came my 16 year old daughter to help me as she heard the scuffle, and she ended up getting punched in the face by her own sister.  What a horrible mouth she had towards me and my youngest daughter.  My youngest daughter was totally upset and horrified that her own sister would hit her and her mother.  My eldest daughter was totally out of line and out of control, like some crazy psychotic person.  We didn't know her, but it's not like we haven't seen that side of her before.  She needs intensive psychiatric help, and I don't even feel safe letting her come inside the house any more.

Yep, Merry Christmas Eve to me, and to yours! Nothing like the holidays to bring the "crazy" out in families.

Interruptions and More Interruptions ...

My head hurts. 

My heart hurts. 

My bank account is dented. 

There is always some drama going on around here.  My 16 year old has a new boyfriend and they are up in her room, watching TV, and being quiet because I was working, but maybe a little too quiet if you know what I mean.  I worry.  I think my daughter and I might need to talk about appropriateness here, as I am just not comfortable with this at all. 

So they're up there and I'm down here working and then a call comes in from that lawyer who supposedly is going to stop the child support, and in walks Griszelda Mess doing her drama routine wanting $50 more bucks, like I got it to spare.  She is adamant and makes a comment hoping the house will burn down with that cigarette she threw down inside the house?? I think I'm going to lose it on top of everything else. 

I want to scream!!!!

My lawyer is using my ex's lawyer's (whose in jail) cell phone? Geeze isn't that convenient? and I even called him back with the information, of course not realizing it was my ex's attorney's phone.  Anyway it's debatable whether or not I'll get that money back pronto without having to file a motion to get it. 

Nothing like a little interference to mess up your day, so I had to work a little over, cancel an appointment this afternoon at 4! Oh yeah, did I tellya I volunteered to work 4 hours tomorrow to help out? Yeah, I don't why I bothered since my bonus this year was pathetic.