Yesterday I remember those outstretched arms of a 6 year old child who wanted nothing to do but hug her mommy back from her first day of school running towards me when she was snatched up by a heartless father who hated me more than life itself, and scowled at her, carting her off crying. Moments like that cuts the very soul and while I type this I still cry. sometimes it doesn't matter the years ... they were all standing there like it was a big celebration, a victory, a victory of what? taking a child away from its mother who never did anything wrong except love her? She was never abused, I wasn't an addict, an alcoholic, unfit ... I felt like I had just died, and emotionally I knew my baby girl would too. I never did a damn thing but love my baby ... she was bought and paid for. Lies made up to cover the truth and a lawyer who also has a reputation for taking womens children away from them. The damage irreparable despite my having her every weekend and any other time I could. I hated myself that I couldn't stop him. As an adult, my baby girl has a list of psychiatric diagnoses a mile long and is currently taking meds. Hell belongs to him, and I'm sure they are reserving him a suite.
Today I get a phone call from my oldest daughter weeping uncontrollably about her son. The adoptive papers were filed and her and her husbands' parental rights revoked. She wailed to me, crying, such hopelessness, and I too on the other weeping end knowing first hand that pain of losing a baby child you love oh so very much. However he will be around for his sister to see living in the next county and will still have visitation with his grandparents and his sister. He will just be raised by a wonderful foster family. Daughter cries over the moments she doesn't have with her children, and I too know that all too well ... heartbreaking. This news befalls on her birthday today. Her life is totally different, drug-free, but she is 3,000 miles away. I told her that one day he will come home, and so will her daughter, Isabella that I am trying to raise.
the bright spot in all of this ... oldest daughter is pregnant ... a total surprise. Maybe there is a silver lining here somewhere in all the turmoil we have gone through as a family.
August is hell. I just want to go to bed.
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There certainly is a lot of drama in this situation. Along with the drama is the emotional pain, which will eventually scar. We all have scars - that's what makes us human, but there has to be a limit of endurance. I wish I had an answer for you.
ReplyDeleteThere are no answers my friend, the fortitude I possess carries me through the battles...I just hate feeling like I go through it alone ... sleep sometimes is the only escape and solace that soothes and renews me. My dad always said I was made of tough stuff and deserved a good man to love me but not sure that will ever happen,
DeleteTry to be positive. I try, but it's against my pre-disposition. When that is added to adversity, I'm no help at all.
DeleteYes, positive and do more good things for myself. :) I'll pull my boots out of this knee high shit sooner than hopefully later...LOL
DeleteYou are truly underappreciated and being ill-treated, but teenagers are very self-centered. They're growing and soon enough they learn, but not until they've hurt the ones they love. Commend yourself for never missing a visiting day, always being there when she called and giving her a home, food and clothing. I hope she will learn to appreciate you.
Deletewhat I need is a man in the house, that would help a lot, esp when she flies off the handle, someone who could help talk with her as a friend and/or 'surrogate' father. Somedays I feel like I need a bodyguard. :(
DeleteI know. My grandmother had similar issues with my little brother after mom & dad got divorced and we moved into her little house. She tried hard and with love, but she just couldn't get through to him. He didn't get along well with mom's boyfriend and grandpa had died about two years before. Lots of turmoil during that time. "A man, not related, would stir-up more trouble, I'm afraid, unless there was a huge trust between them. This is just my experience under similar conditions. It was a long time ago, but this is a crossroads situation. I hope she chooses wisely.
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