Simple Home Remedies...

If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink!

For you high blood pressure suffers, simple cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins ...Remember to use a timer!

A mousetrap placed on top of your alarm will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit snooze for the upteenth time!

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives...then you'll be afraid to cough~! oops poops!

You need only two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape.  If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40; If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape! simple!

Remember ...Everyone seems normal till you get to know them.

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem~!

and here's a daily thought for yuns...

"some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs."

  accident my ass!

Roly Poly?

When you think of roly poly, do you think of these things?

For me, roly poly Monday waddled along slowly with long winded medical and psychological dictators talking about massively obese and morbidly obese patients. Isn't that a helluva a way to describe somebody? I think it is. We used to have this doctor who I swear if they were over 120 pounds he said their abdomen was obese, well, I might even that profile! But from the sound of him, and his infernal coughing while dictating reports, he was probably a long-haired hippie assed pothead. (I don't have anything against potheads either, I was married to one). Sometimes you conjure up images of these doctors and the patients. Call it brain boredom while listening and typing such boring stuff. Some of these doctors are frustrating to get through, and some of the patient stories are really sad; others are not.

I am in no way making fun of roly poly people, as a matter of fact if I keep up this middle aged spread I might join the ranks thereof! You wouldn't believe what some of these people claim disability for and want Social Security to take care of them and get medical benefits. Yes, I've heard it all. I know what to say and what not to say, and how to walk, and do the talk when I go apply for my disability! Why am I applying? Cause I'm tired of typing; which is about as lame as some of the people's complaints, I swear its true. There are no doubt some get it who don't deserve it, others are denied and should receive it. All I would tell anybody is to make sure you have the proper medical documentation and perhaps a lawyer or powerful medical personnel to pull it through for you.

On the subject of roly poly's here's something to ponder. If one's abdominal girth is 80 inches at the level of the umbilicus, patient is 5 feet 5 inches tall, what do you think this patient weighs? and at 5 feet 3 inches with an abdominal girth of merely 54 1/2 inches, want to take a guess at this patient's weight? It is sad that obesity will take its toll on the joints, but to eat yourself fat and then expect somebody to pay for you to sit on your ass is just ridiculous!

Yep, it was a roly poly Monday on the transcription front, how was yours?

Useful and Thought Provoking Messages ... LOL

Do I look a little bored? I found these while out surfing, being bored as a gourd!

Away message:To be continued...

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I'm spinning in my new expensive office chair. So I'm away... Now I'm back... Away again... Back!.. And away..

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Gone crazy. Be back soon.

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If you can guess what I'm doing I'll give you a cookie.

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Sorry I'm not here right now, I'm lost in thought and seeing as it's unfamiliar territory I might be gone for a while.

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• Computer $1000
• 
  
• 
  
• Internet subscription $30 a month
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• 
  
• MSN Messenger $0
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• 
  
• Keeping you busy with this away message: PRICELESS

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Just try to lick your elbow while I'm gone.

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I'm walking my goldfish. Be right back.

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I'm not at home. In fact, I'm watching you... right now. Why are you smiling?

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Hello from the Community of the Insane Asylum! We are sorry to announce that the occupant of this screen name is not here right now. They are currently rocking to-and-fro in a straight jacket, in a padded room. Please leave a message and they will get back to you as soon as they have regained sanity. Which may take quite a while, but we hope that you care enough about them to wait.

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I can't talk on the computer now, so if, well, actually, I CAN talk on the computer now, I mean, like, I'm at the computer NOW, writing this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're reading it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're reading it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.

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I ' m a l i t t l e s p a c e d o u t r i g h t n o w , b e b a c k w h e n I ' m a l l  t o g e t h e r!

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I have been temporarily distracted by a shiny object.

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I'm on a mission to save the world (I can't believe they trusted me with this).

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Only fools leave away messages.

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I'm not here right now, if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone.

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I'll be back before you can pronounce abcudfffuligy acumrtnackd fingyh

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Hi, this is No One, and No One is here right now, so No One will be back soon.

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People that scan away messages for entertainment are pathetic. Let me know if you find any good ones.

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Don't Worry, I dont know where I am either.

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Sorry, I'm not here right now. Feel free to talk to the computer as long as you like. I'll get back to you later.

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Did you know by reading this message you have wasted 14 seconds of your life?

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Don't you hate it when people leave away messages that don't tell where they are or when they'll be back?

Word Humor...

An anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by rearranging the letters of another word or phrase.  The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has far too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one!)

• George Bush -- rearrange the letters -- He bugs Gore.
• Dormitory -- rearrange the letters -- Dirty Room.
• Evangelist -- rearrange the letters -- Evil's Agent.
• Desperation -- rearrange the letters -- A Rope Ends It.
• The Morse Code -- rearrange the letters -- Here Come Dots.
• Slot Machines -- rearrange the letters -- Cash Lost In 'Em.
• Animosity -- rearrange the letters -- Is No Amity.
• Mother-in-law -- rearrange the letters -- Woman Hitler.
• Snooze Alarms -- rearrange the letters -- Alas! No More Z's.
• A Decimal Point -- rearrange the letters -- I'm A Dot In Place.
• Eleven plus two -- rearrange the letters -- Twelve plus one.

"If I ever make it on Wheel of Fortune, I'm sneakin' in my own vowels under my jacket. No way I'm gonna pay $250, especially for a 'U'."

~~~~~

What's another word for "thesaurus?"

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How is it that "Fat Chance" and "Slim Chance" mean the same thing?!?!

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Is there another word for synonym? -- George Carlin

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Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
-- George Carlin

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Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
-- George Carlin

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Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

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Did You Know? "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. The longest one-syllable word is "screeched". No word in the English language rhymes with "month". F.Y.I.:  The correct spelling is MILLENNIUM. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable." "OK" is the most used word in the world.

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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

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And for the grand finale:

• President Clinton of the USA -- can be arranged into -- To Copulate He Finds Interns.

Broke and Disgusted ...

Have you ever been so broke, that even at Christmas time all you could exchange were glances?

Just in case you don't know you're broke ....

listen up ...

here are some ways to tell…

At KFC you lick other people’s fingers.

If you wanted to rub two nickels together you’d have to borrow one.

At communion you go back for seconds. (are they kidding? I've never been to one of those!)

You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. (I can't afford a lottery ticket!)

You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

Long distance companies don’t call you to switch.

If you stopped on a dime, you’d probably owe it to someone.

McDonald’s is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments. Now that's funny NOT~! I think I have some pancake syrup and honey mustard here somewhere!!!

Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant. huh??

You give blood everyday… just for the orange juice and cookie. (I have to say I have NEVER done this, have you?)

haha didya get a giggle? I did...

A Brillant Seclusion ...

I don't know how I ended up at deviant art tonight, but they have some interesting photomanipulation and other categories in there and you can embed. I am drawn to Fractal and Digital Art and Abstracts for some strange reason.

Brilliant Seclusion by *ccdigitalfx on deviantART

Anyway, this picture caught my eye out surfing! wow, when I get this photoshop thing installed I'll be able to manipulate photographs as well, I think it could be a lot of fun!

I Just Feel Dead Inside...

what more is there to say?

It's what? July now and summer is moving right along. I hardly go out of the house. Work has changed too. I am typing long winded psychological doctors which is taking its toll on my arms/shoulders/neck/hands. I'm so tired I can hardly move.

My biker baby is having a wonderful time biking. I'm happy for him. His wife visits his blog and comments but I just read. I surmise she is a wonderful person, as is her husband, whom I care about but only in secret. I hate that.

In other news, my daughter and son-in-law are back in town as of nearly a month or longer, my memory sucks, anyway neither of them have jobs. Court is still pending for Jeremy in another town on a drug charge. In less than a month Isabella, my granddaughter, will need to put in school, first grade this year. She is finally getting those two front teeth in . Wow, I don't remember my kids losing theirs so soon or having their front permanent teeth by the time they were six years old.

Oh, and my youngest daughter's stepmom and her dad are divorcing. It is really nasty out there right now. I am worried about this situation. That about sums it up.

Going to take a nap.