A Department of Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer.
He told the farmer, 'I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road.'
The old farmer said, 'Okay, but don't go in that field.'
The Highways employee said, 'I have the authority of the State of Minnesota to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land.'
So the old farmer went about his chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Department of Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the employee at every step.
The old farmer called out, "Show him your card, smartass!"
ready for another?
Meet Margaret and Charles, who have been married for 35 years.
Charles was always a cowboy buff and wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.
He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looks him over, "Nope."
Frustrated Charles storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looks up and says, "Charles, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.
Furious, Charles yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope". She replies.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!"
To which Margaret replies, "YA SHOULDA BOUGHT A HAT!"
LOL specially the second one!:D
ReplyDeleteThe captain of a cruise ship had a parrot that he kept in the dinning hall. Each evening a magician did his performance in the dinning hall but the bird knew where he kept everything and would call it out after every trick. Accck.. it's up you sleave. Accck... it's in your shirt pocket.
ReplyDeleteThis went on until the magician couldn't stand it any longer and one night he pulled out a gun a fired it at the bird. The bullet passed through a wall and struck the propane tank, blowing the ship to bits.
The only two survivors were the parrot and the magician who were both clinging to the same raft. After several hours, the parrot said, "I give up. What the fuck did you do with the ship?"
Bwaaaah-hahahaha! I love those; especially the one about showing the bull his card. Too funny.
ReplyDeleteThe second one was very funny!!!!
ReplyDeleteVery very funny! Hope you're having a good weekend.
ReplyDeleteLiked the first one, especially as it reminds me why I hate walking through fields of cows!
ReplyDelete