One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense: "Your Honor," she began coolly: "I figured that, at 92, if he could screw, he could also fly!"
the Driver's License tells all...LOL
A mother is driving her young daughter to her friend’s house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks: "how old are you?"
The mother looks over at the little girl and says: "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age, it isn't polite."
"OK," the little girl says: "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says: "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks: "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"Enough of your questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother drops her daughter off and leaves her to play with her friend.
"My mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend, a few moments later.
"All you need to do is look at her driver's license," the friend replies:
"It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother: "I know you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds," the little girl says.
The mother is past surprise and shock now: "How in heaven's name did you find that out?" she asks.
The little girl continues on triumphantly, "And... I know why you and daddy got divorced."
"Oh really?" the mother asks: "Why is that?"
To which the girl replies: "Because you got an F in sex."
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I have been temporarily distracted by a shiny object. Go ahead you know what to do!