haha Mondays!

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells XL-size condoms.

"Yes we do," he replies: "Would you like to buy some?"

"No thanks," she responds: "But do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

A senior citizen was driving down the freeway when his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him: "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280.  Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman: "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"


"Honey," said a husband to his wife: "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy?" the wife exclaimed: "The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that," the man replied.

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" she asked.

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said: "I'll have a shave and a shoeshine."

The barber began to sharpen the old straight edge and lathered the cowboy's face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said: "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."

She replied: "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that."

The cowboy said: "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."

She said: "You tell him. He’s the one shaving you."