Get Out of Jail Free Card...and other craziness...

Celebrate two days of non-work! I feel like I'm on reprieve..

Can I get an Amen?

I must really need a vacation.  Here lately my job is becoming a real pain in the arse! Lower management does that to a person, doesn't it? 

or I'm just burnt out, stressed, and dead tired.

by the way, I get a phone call last night from Griszelda Mess (who is this? find out on the right over there under the real smut stuff Queen Bitchship), who really did go to jail last night, she could have used this get out of jail free card, instead she was released on her own recognizance...stupid, stupid...and then calls me up at 11:30 p.m., whilst I'm trying to sleep from a most exhausting day...wanting me to pay for her a motel room? uhmmm...no.

in other crazed newsiness....

I have this globe thing, people comment on it often, which is a caller ID of sorts.  It usually has numbers which circulate around in it...I've never seen another one like it..  It wasn't given to me by any phone service.

Anyway its been acting weird...instead of giving me phone numbers it is saying things like Good Morning, and Happy Valentine's Day.?? hmmmm...yeah..its becoming downright scary.

This thing came into the house as a gift from my ex-husband (now deceased, and NO! I didn't kill him...lol) but at first I thought it was John trying to message me from the great beyond...

or it was just possessed...

or I was really just going mad....

then come to find out its just because the darn thing isn't plugged in properly and is on demo mode. 

Yes, I definitely need that vacation.  I need carpets cleaned. I, most definitely need a life~! and a stiff cocktail! Won't you join me?

Hows your week been?  Tell me, tell me...in 5 seconds or less!

Buzzzzzz, time's up! 

Sucked Into The Capgras Portal ...

Today, I got sucked into the Capgras Portal! What is it you ask?

Let me try to explain it. Every once in a while something I type during the day sparks me to read up on it out of curiosity. A lady, now 41 years of age, was applying for disability and undergoing a psychological evaluation, which is commonplace. According to her history, at the age of 29, she had suffered a psychotic break after the birth of a third child. She seemed educated obtaining a bachelor’s in finance, working as an administrative assistant and trainer, and then in customer service; also stated she was laid off after seven years with a soft drink company (2001).

She has an extensive psychiatric history, with medications and therapy at different time-frames, inconsistently, but despite all that she remained psychotic. At the time of initial diagnosis and psychotic break, she believed her husband and son to be imposters. She expressed paranoid ideations of being stalked by people she worked with, and of having transmitting devices implanted in her home. She said that when she would go to the school where her children attend that she would hear other parents saying things that they could only know if they had been listening into her conversations at home. She was told by a psychiatrist that she was at risk for losing her children, if she did not continue with treatment, however, did not consistently stay in treatment, and was diagnosed with Capgras syndrome.

All of this sparked my curiosity about Capgras and I ventured into the portal of the psychotic! According to the official capgras syndrome site, people with Capgras Syndrome act as if they are in a parallel universe in which the people they know are "doubles" or "impostors."

When people with Capgras Syndrome see a friend, spouse, or themselves in a mirror, they believe they are seeing an exact double or an impostor. Sometimes, people with Capgras Syndrome even believe that inanimate objects -- like a chair, watch, book, or lamp -- have been replaced by exact replicas. If people own a pet, the pet may be seen as an impostor, a strange animal roaming through their lives and homes.

Capgras patients are often so disturbed when they see a doppelganger (a ghostly double of a living person, especially one that haunts its fleshly counterpart) in the mirror that they remove all mirrors from the home. The syndrome, named for French psychiatrist Jean Marie Joseph Capgras, is unusual, but still probably afflicts thousands of people in the United States at any given moment, said one expert, Dr. Todd Feinberg, associate professor of neurology and psychiatry at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York.

The Capgras' patient identifies his or her spouse as being an imposter - identical in every possible way, but an identical replica. The patient will accept living with these imposters but will secretly "know" that they are not the people they claim to be. This reminds me of the movie "Invasion of The Body Snatchers". I don't know about ya'll, but one has to wonder if the writers of these movies and books housed the syndrome themselves how else could they dream up such stuff?

This was a fascinating read. Did you know that when we dream, we sometimes have Capgras-like perceptions. For example, have you ever been in your home, while in a dream, but it seems to be not quite right, not really your home. Is your loved one not really your loved one?

What does Capgras Syndrome say about the thin fabric of reality? Click here to discuss.

If you're interesting in reading more like I was, here's a couple of sites:

Brain Sydrome Opens Portal to New Universe
DMT, Moses, and God.

Round Trip Weekend

This weekend I traveled 170 plus miles in a borrowed van (since my car is still not repaired) to see my teen at the facility she is staying in. She got transferred from the regular juvenile facility, thank goodness and went onto this more of a residential in-house treatment for neglected and/or abused kids; not that she was abused here in my home, but was verbally, psychologically, and (? sexually) at her Dad's residence. They have a great program there to help build her self-esteem, finish schooling, and learn coping life skills. I am hoping she will have gained something valuable by this experience.

In case some of you are just now tuning in to this saga, the teen decided Memorial Day weekend that she wanted "out of here!" but calling the cops three times landed her in the local juvenile facility, not exactly where she had intended to go. Battering me to the point of ripping my shirt and putting bruises on me, over a 3-day period, did not help her case when she called the cops. Yep, she shot herself in the foot, but she also had her Dad egging her on. I figured she was back talking to him, as her behavior demonstrates this oh so well. I will save you the long story of custody battle and other such ugliness that has festered over the years. If you're interested in reading that history, click here. My girlfriend tells me this is a better drama than the lifetime movie, and tells me to write this novel, but I told her I'd probably end up just taking it to Oprah cause I'm too damned tired to care anymore.

Anyway, being able to see her smile was worth all the miles I traveled on Saturday. She seems genuinely sorry for this to have happened, and I do feel she is ready to come home before her actual court date of July 7th. Laying eyes upon her, she is indeed a beautiful girl, but still troubled underneath all that, and was surprised to see me as she didn't know I was coming! She has worked hard to get all her credits to be a senior while in this facility and I am proud of that. I am hoping this experience will have helped her gain some respect for me, for herself.

I did pick up on her anxiety over how she feels the court date will turn out, despite my trying to alleviate her fears as did the staff there. She also asked me to call her father and let her know where she was and what happened... uh...yeah, over my dead body! I know it was Father's Day this weekend, but he is no father, he is an abuser. She was only six, a baby, when the court decided she should live with him, so dysfunction and abuse is all she has known. It was truly sad, a deep heart wound that still brings me to tears.

Getting her to go to school all year has proved fruitless due to her Dad's arrest, incarceration, and still impending trial set for July 20th. There seems to be little doubt, based on Bobbi's behaviors since separating from his residence, that she in all probability was sexually molested as well. She says not, but she cannot remember events from her childhood. While he was verbally and psychologically abusive, controlling, and manipulating of everyone in his life, it certainly took away the innocence of her childhood. Not too long ago, my sister told me something she learned from mother. I know this may sound a little weird to some of you who don't believe in spirits or mediums or psychics. Mother has been dead since 2004 but through a medium (which was happenstance through my niece who was visiting with this medium and sparked her curiosity to ask her) it was told to my niece from my mother that my ex started abusing Bobbi as a game when she was only three years of age.

When she told me this, I nearly vomited; it all fits perfectly, all his abuse towards me, all his efforts at separating my daughter from her own family and even from me, lying to get custody and making me look crazy, his trying to hide it, her anger with having to live with it and now as a teen having social and behavioral problems from all his control, abuse and manipulation; God! what a nightmare the last 10 years have been. That sick bastard. Nobody knows unless they've lived with evil. Lord help my baby girl get through all of this.

His trial starts July 20th. He is accused of 12 counts of rape and sodomy of a child under 12. I pray that there will finally be closure from the deep heart wounds that he has caused me and my children.

I saw a past ghost today ...

In that split second before I walked in the house, it dawned on me who he was.

Did he recognize me? I think he did. I think we were both surprised. To say I was shocked would be more like it. I remember the same thing happening before, that I would just run smack into him if I was out and about ... or he would just "show up out of the blue." Strange how that happens and why it happened today especially after nearly 10, no 11 years? ...

Actually I was on lunch break, and my daughter and son in law had stopped in. I noticed my connection to the Internet was not working. They only stayed a few minutes and left, as they were in town running some errands and needed a bathroom relief. Anyway, after they had left I had momentarily tried to rehook to the internet but to no avail. When reaching for the phone to call the phone company about my DSL, I realized I had no phone connection? I was confused about what perhaps could be going on, so I rushed out the backdoor and onto the deck, hoping that daughter and son in law were in the garage (as they usually are) as their things are still stored there, and I hollered "Rae?"

I noticed some man had walked from the side of my garage up towards my deck and to the side of my house? At first I didn't think much of it except that perhaps he was cutting through my yard to access a neighbor. I thought how strange, he said there was no "Ray" ... I informed him I was looking for my daughter, and I noticed he had was carrying this yellow "bag" thing that I associated with utility workers, so I asked him if he was from the phone company, that I had just tried to call and that I didn't have phone service, nor internet service ... and that was strange ... I mumbled around asking him if he was working on the lines or something. He told me he was there for put a line in for Apt. 3, and then I sorta of realized he must have meant next door, however why he would cut through my yard unless he was lost I didn't know.

He asked me how long I had been living here? I thought that kind of strange...I mumbled some stupid answer as I locked my gaze in his direction catching those blue eyes of his... and then it hit me like a ton of bricks... how could I have forgotten those piercing blue eyes? I mumbled something like 8 years which was not right, or course, but it came off the top of my head ... Why did I say that? and why would he suddenly just appear at the wrong address rehashing memories for me I had tried so hard to bury.

Why now? Were we supposed to finally give one another an opportunity to clear the air between us because of an incident 11 years ago? Neither one of us took that initiative I guess not knowing whether it was best to just let sleeping dogs lie. I was hoping that maybe he wouldn't see any recognition in my face as to who he was. I probably could not have talked to him about it without breaking down even if he had tried to. Anyway he knows where I am now. I don't know what this means or even why our paths had crossed today after 11 years..

All I know is that when I came back in and went upstairs and cleaned up a little, put clean clothes, thinking I was going to have to walk up to the phone company a block away to report my down service, it miraculously came back on! I had full service to include phone and internet. I was thankful for no down time so my workday could be completed without incident. However I attributed it to the fact that he had hit a wrong button somewhere. In all this time our paths had not crossed for 10 years, so why today?

Only recently was I talking to my girlfriend about this whole incident that happened 11 years ago on top of my going through a bitter divorce, having my eldest daughter in foster care because of my soon to be ex, and grieving my father's death just a few months earlier. Yes, it was a very emotionally trying time for me, a time when I was very sick physically and emotionally. I was just telling her how much I needed to come to terms with what happened and close the book on that chapter. Was this part of a master plan on God's [plan for me to heal this between us after 11 years because he waltzed in my yard today?

I don't know, it's all so very strange.

A Psychic Detour ...

Sometimes things happen that are so dejavu in a way that's downright scary. Ever be thinking about something only to have it happen? or dream it the night before and see it unfold the next day? or just get that feeling you were there before, or had that particular conversation in that particular scenario? I remember one time in high school having a dream about some girl who walked into class made up like a clown, and I thought how strange, but the next day it happened! no kidding, it was a pep rally at school that day.

I tell you it is a little unnerving to say the least. As I had posted on another blog, there are times in this house in which I am visited by someone. I can't see them, but I feel them, and often I smell their cigarette smoke and even heard snoring, an exhale rhythmic breathing. I even had somebody wake me up from a sleep by raking their hand down my neck to my shoulder. There was nobody there when I opened my startled eyes. I do believe there are things that happen which one cannot explain. I never considered myself psychic but I am a good feeler. My teenager told me she thought I could read minds or something to that effect, cause one time we were on the phone, and I said ... did you enjoy the mashed potatoes and meatloaf? without even realizing that was what she had for dinner and I had no way of really knowing this; which really surprised both of us! I just laughed and said lucky guess, ha! and took the opportunity to tell her that yeah, and I would know if she were trying to pull a fast one, too! LOL

Speaking of strange ESP kinda moments, today at 4:48 I was online, leaving comments here and there at Blogstream, listening to music, and I went to check out my boyfriend's bike blog and leave him a message, telling him I was thinking about him, yada yada, and where was he? how was meeting the group of bikers? and all that stuff. I hadn't even gotten up from the chair when the phone rang with his number on the caller ID, and I about jumped out of my skin! I am always amazed at how in tune we are with what each other is feeling, it's very strange, even at a distance of 3,750 and some odd miles! I asked him if he felt me or what? because I had just left him a message on his site, which he has been unable to access due to a connectivity issue.

Coincidence? This has happened more times than not, this telepathic thing, surprising both of us. Well, if it had only happened this once I could say yes, but this has happened a lot. I just hope his bike trip is everything he hopes it to be and there are no complications or mishaps. Tonight, they are camping at a church, so he's probably getting ready to sack out and sleep, as he has a long day of biking tomorrow.