As I was moving posts over, as you can see, here is the first Saturday Night Blog Fever in its infancy! It is a rather short post, isn't it? Back then, we weren't so savvy and were lucky to just be able to post music, as there were not too many sites around at that time. Some of the sites we used went whacko, remember? and back then we didn't know how to manipulate the codes to get them to play automatically or to shut them up! Wow, we have come a long way in our Saturday Night Blog Fevers, haven't we?
I want to apologize should I need to, to those who might be upset about my not being at Blogstream any more. What is the most upsetting about that place is that most everybody over there knows the sources of contention who have tried to cause problems for not just me, but for other bloggers, but yet people still go to their blogs and comment, and to me that is like a slap in the face to me and to those other bloggers who have had to deal with these troublemakers, and their lies, deception, and manipulation and private messages explaining themselves?! To me it is ridiculous, and I want no further part of it.
In a public forum there are bound to be issues with other bloggers, however, I will not continue to let them use me for their gain. I know this may seem a little childish to some of you, like Bookworm said, it's like kids on a playground fussing around. However, I have put forth the effort and time to make blog friends because I enjoy the interaction, and I much prefer a few close online friends rather than bunch of shallow ones. I am who I am, and I am not a manipulator, nor do I use people to try to become "popular", and I don't give pity or shallow, or just empty comments. I give respect where respect is due, and I expect the same from my online blog buddies.
Let's Talk Dump His Ass~!
Need to dump? One date and he's clinging? Thought you had found Mr. Right? He's a cheater? Here's a couple of letters that will Kiss Him Off!
Dear ________________,
Your call this afternoon was flattering. I'm glad you thought last night was the best night of your life but I hate to burst your bubble; it certainly wasn't mine.
While you have been replaying the scenario in your mind in eager anticipation of future rendezvous, I have spent the day:
a) regretting every moment
b) changing my phone number
c) trying to enter the witness protection program
Your whining about lost loves, rejection, and heartbreak made me feel sorry for you. Thus, the sex we engaged in was:
a) an act of mercy
b) an act of stupidity
c) a result of forgetting to take my medication
d) all of the above, i.e., a PITY FUCK and nothing more.
Someone as pathetic as you should really try:
a) a good therapist
b) Dianetics
c) a tight noose and a tall ladder
Do me a favor and forget you ever met me ...
Dear ________________,
Fancy bumping into you last night at ___________________ (name of local hot-spot) with _________________(secretary, co-worker, supposed friend, whomever). If you want to spend time with some vapid bimbo in ______________________________(frosted blue eye shadow, red-sequined wonder bra, unflattering Lycra midriff top, Lee Press-On nails) that's your prerogative. Just don't plan on spending any more ___________________ (lunches, evenings, weekends) with me. I'd rather ___________________________ (have my taxes audited, get a root canal, have a bikini wax).
You told me you were working late last night. You were working alright. I suppose you'd call that little tryst of yours a business meeting, right? Well that would certainly explain why your "colleague" _______________(was on her knees, had her tongue down your throat, had her panties around her ankles). Where was her steno pad, down your pants? And I guess you were looking for the pen you dropped down her blouse.
Your lines may be well rehearsed, but I've read the script and this act is over. Now it's time for you to take some dictation. Delete me from your _________________________(buddy list, rolodex, speed dial, unfaithful, cheating heart).
There are other fish to fry, Daddy and I'm turning up the heat.
Later.
and last but not least, here's The MR. RIGHT Rejection Letter
Dear [____rejectee's name here_____],
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:
[Check all those that apply]
___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.
___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the 9-months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.
___ You failed the credit check.
___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ You mention your ex-girlfriend's name more than you mention mine.
___ Three words: Size does matter.
Sincerely,
[Your name here]
Got somebody to dump? that should do it!
Dear ________________,
Your call this afternoon was flattering. I'm glad you thought last night was the best night of your life but I hate to burst your bubble; it certainly wasn't mine.
While you have been replaying the scenario in your mind in eager anticipation of future rendezvous, I have spent the day:
a) regretting every moment
b) changing my phone number
c) trying to enter the witness protection program
Your whining about lost loves, rejection, and heartbreak made me feel sorry for you. Thus, the sex we engaged in was:
a) an act of mercy
b) an act of stupidity
c) a result of forgetting to take my medication
d) all of the above, i.e., a PITY FUCK and nothing more.
Someone as pathetic as you should really try:
a) a good therapist
b) Dianetics
c) a tight noose and a tall ladder
Do me a favor and forget you ever met me ...
Dear ________________,
Fancy bumping into you last night at ___________________ (name of local hot-spot) with _________________(secretary, co-worker, supposed friend, whomever). If you want to spend time with some vapid bimbo in ______________________________(frosted blue eye shadow, red-sequined wonder bra, unflattering Lycra midriff top, Lee Press-On nails) that's your prerogative. Just don't plan on spending any more ___________________ (lunches, evenings, weekends) with me. I'd rather ___________________________ (have my taxes audited, get a root canal, have a bikini wax).
You told me you were working late last night. You were working alright. I suppose you'd call that little tryst of yours a business meeting, right? Well that would certainly explain why your "colleague" _______________(was on her knees, had her tongue down your throat, had her panties around her ankles). Where was her steno pad, down your pants? And I guess you were looking for the pen you dropped down her blouse.
Your lines may be well rehearsed, but I've read the script and this act is over. Now it's time for you to take some dictation. Delete me from your _________________________(buddy list, rolodex, speed dial, unfaithful, cheating heart).
There are other fish to fry, Daddy and I'm turning up the heat.
Later.
and last but not least, here's The MR. RIGHT Rejection Letter
Dear [____rejectee's name here_____],
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:
[Check all those that apply]
___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.
___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the 9-months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.
___ You failed the credit check.
___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ You mention your ex-girlfriend's name more than you mention mine.
___ Three words: Size does matter.
Sincerely,
[Your name here]
Got somebody to dump? that should do it!
The Big Black Farting Monster
Do you guys remember what at my house farts, well, besides myself of course? Laffing** Isn't that more information than you needed to know! So ... *insert a little blush here*
no, not me, but my big black farting monster would be my refrigerator. Every once in awhile it just rips a big one! I don't know why it does this, well today ... after I went to the store I was putting groceries away, and I was getting ready to make me a bologna sandwich when I reached for the mustard and it was rather liquidy, more so than I remember it being, and then I happen to notice it wasn't even cold, and of course the milk jug wasn't very cold either!
Panic time!!!! A refrigerator on the blink? OMG! I can't afford a new refrigerator! This is a maytag side by side, big black honker that is 36 inches deep; it's huge! I acquired this refrigerator from my ex as a free gift to me, which he purchased secondhand from somebody who was remodeling their kitchen!
well, well, well, isn't that lovely? my big black farting refrigerator is going to bite the dust ... hmmmmmm, or is it?
I happen to recall at one point today finding my refrigerator door ajar, and not shut all the way, which I immediately remedied. How long was it ajar? I'm not sure. I can't remember back that far~! LOL ...
so now I am retracing my steps ... hmmm, for lunch at 11 today I fixed some eggs, so I had to undoubtedly get them out of the refrigerator, so one would assume that given the door was ajar from say 11 p.m. until 4 when I finished working ... no,no no, that's not right because when I came home from the grocery at approximately 5:30ish I did not find the refrigerator door ajar! ...
okay now being the Sherlock Holmes I am, I would have to surmise that (if I could remember the last time before that I was in the refrigerator) I might have a clue as to how long the door had been ajar! Oh my word! What frickin use it is to know that information now anyway?
all I know is that at 5:30ish going on 6, I happen to notice that most things in my refrigerator were not that cold! so what does a single gal do? She calls her gardener of course, who was butt naked out of the shower standing there dripping (ok, ok, he said he was still the shower?)answering the phone only to find me on the other end asking him if he knows anything about refrigerators? or knows someone who might? Of course he was very polite dripping wet, so I let him go back to his shower!
I figured he would call me back when he was done, but what to my wondering eyes should appear? but him at my door 30 minutes later! so I have to rush to find a shirt to put on, don't ask, the house was hot where I didn't have the air conditioner on ... so I'm scrambling for a shirt hollering hold on, I'll be right there, after I get off the phone and throw it on!
Long story short, *insert laff here huh* I don't know that my big black farting monster will get cold or not; it is throwing cold air out to the freezer?? I guess 24 hours will tell the tale!
it's a wait and see thing now. Say a prayer for my monster will ya? Otherwise I'll be asking for donations tomorrow! Make checks payable to the poor appalachian female fund!
(here are the comments to this post, taken off another blogsite where the post originated from; yep, I canned that blog, too! I told you I needed to consolidate!)
Comments:
no, not me, but my big black farting monster would be my refrigerator. Every once in awhile it just rips a big one! I don't know why it does this, well today ... after I went to the store I was putting groceries away, and I was getting ready to make me a bologna sandwich when I reached for the mustard and it was rather liquidy, more so than I remember it being, and then I happen to notice it wasn't even cold, and of course the milk jug wasn't very cold either!
Panic time!!!! A refrigerator on the blink? OMG! I can't afford a new refrigerator! This is a maytag side by side, big black honker that is 36 inches deep; it's huge! I acquired this refrigerator from my ex as a free gift to me, which he purchased secondhand from somebody who was remodeling their kitchen!
well, well, well, isn't that lovely? my big black farting refrigerator is going to bite the dust ... hmmmmmm, or is it?
I happen to recall at one point today finding my refrigerator door ajar, and not shut all the way, which I immediately remedied. How long was it ajar? I'm not sure. I can't remember back that far~! LOL ...
so now I am retracing my steps ... hmmm, for lunch at 11 today I fixed some eggs, so I had to undoubtedly get them out of the refrigerator, so one would assume that given the door was ajar from say 11 p.m. until 4 when I finished working ... no,no no, that's not right because when I came home from the grocery at approximately 5:30ish I did not find the refrigerator door ajar! ...
okay now being the Sherlock Holmes I am, I would have to surmise that (if I could remember the last time before that I was in the refrigerator) I might have a clue as to how long the door had been ajar! Oh my word! What frickin use it is to know that information now anyway?
all I know is that at 5:30ish going on 6, I happen to notice that most things in my refrigerator were not that cold! so what does a single gal do? She calls her gardener of course, who was butt naked out of the shower standing there dripping (ok, ok, he said he was still the shower?)answering the phone only to find me on the other end asking him if he knows anything about refrigerators? or knows someone who might? Of course he was very polite dripping wet, so I let him go back to his shower!
I figured he would call me back when he was done, but what to my wondering eyes should appear? but him at my door 30 minutes later! so I have to rush to find a shirt to put on, don't ask, the house was hot where I didn't have the air conditioner on ... so I'm scrambling for a shirt hollering hold on, I'll be right there, after I get off the phone and throw it on!
Long story short, *insert laff here huh* I don't know that my big black farting monster will get cold or not; it is throwing cold air out to the freezer?? I guess 24 hours will tell the tale!
it's a wait and see thing now. Say a prayer for my monster will ya? Otherwise I'll be asking for donations tomorrow! Make checks payable to the poor appalachian female fund!
(here are the comments to this post, taken off another blogsite where the post originated from; yep, I canned that blog, too! I told you I needed to consolidate!)
Comments:
| My deepest sympathies, Miss B. It usually falls to me to be the doomsayer, while Mom insists that I'm being alarmist. However, may I note that two of our last three fridges were indeed at their last gasp. The first time she believed me when a package of meat turned green overnight; the second time my brother and BIL told her, after having spent a couple or three hours in the house, that the fridge was fried, because it ran constantly the whole time they were here. Would she listen to me now if it were to go kaput? Nope. I'm an alarmist.   | | |
by Fairweather Lewis (PM , CC ) on Tuesday May 27, 2008 @ 8:13 PM (del) | ||
well, tomorrow if my milk is blinky I am going to be an alarmist! Right now, I'll wait and see ...   | | |
| OK...take a deep breath, sit down, breath out.....good now that we got this far a tip.....before you spend bucks for a new side by side..... get some help..and take everything out of it...everything...freezer side also....Now with help...unplug it and turn it upside down for 15 minutes....then put it back and plug it in.... don't laugh .... it works..... something to do with the circulation of the coolant with runs in tubes in the sides and the back of the thing....also helps the compressor somehow do something good...... who loves you babe....   | | |
c'est la vie! its too damn big for one person anyway...and a smaller one will save on power too.w00t? you expected hearts and flowers from me? U R a NUTT!!! BC       | | |
hiya Tab, I just checked the refrigerator and it seems to be getting cold, so maybe there's hope after all!  | | |
heck I knew that when he brought the darn thing in here, but what was I supposed to do? I need a frig!   besides it is getting cold yay! | | |
| Bella, that's great....but remember..... When is a refrigerator door not a refrigerator door ????? WHEN IT'S A JAR.....  | | |
| Bella, My advice is to start saving your money. Despite your fervent desire to keep your present refrigerator, there is a point where it's going to fart and die. Sherry | | |
| Maybe you need to feed it some Alka-Seltzer? Maybe all it needs is to blow a great big one and it will feel all better. I hope everything turns out okay I know how costly they can be. Bear Hugs! PolarB ;) | | |
| I HATE when that happens!Sure hope its working by now.That happened to me a couple of yrs ago,got up in the morning to get eggs out,all was warm!Luckily my prob was simple,grandkids had had been turning button on the frig and had turned it way down!Have a great day Bella! | | |
Oh Bella - those are not fun days to have to deal with those fridges and freezers that do not want to help out as needed - sure trust that it gets its act together for you at a reasonable cost - june  | | |
| Didja give your 'fridge some Gas-X? Maybe it had too much backed up & needed a huge "release". Too much gas backing up can kill you, ya know? Hopefully, your problem is fixed. On a good note, you DID get to see your freshly showered gardner! WOOT! | | |
so...are ya takin' donations or what?  | | |
| Bella, this just happened to me, no not a farting fridge, but a warm one. It was because something sticky got on the seal and it stopped sealing and actually pulled out and made it unsealable, that is, until I washed the sticky rubber seal and pushed it back in to the door and finally the delightful sound of a working, sealing fridge began humming, or was it farting?? luv ya, n. |
| |
| You mean at the bottom, where that syrupy sticking stuff lives? underneath the vegetable drawer you have to pull out? You mean I have to clean that??? Have you ever wondered what exactly what it was that made that sticky brown stuff? ewwwww! thanks n. lynnn! Okay, I am going to look to see now. It seems to be a little colder today, maybe it just needs freon? | | |
| no shit sherlock, you're my favorite turd Tab! | | |
yes, but it can't happen right now! I just forbid it!   | | |
| Well, today it is a little cooler, however, I'm not convinced it is going to last much longer! Does anybody have the numbers from last night's Ohio Lottery? I got a ticket but I ain't checked the numbers yet! Did I win, did I win? | | |
| hey Indian, well I don't have any kids to blame it on! shit. | | |
| June, it is trying its best to stay alive, still got some cold air in there, so it ain't dead yet. I think I might have to check out that very bottom plug a ma jig thingy! | | |
| yes I did, Secret! he's a big ole girl! | | |
| It ain't died yet! but I know I can count on yuns for burial money and its reincarnation! | | |
| "underneath the vegetable drawer you have to pull out? You mean I have to clean that??? Have you ever wondered what exactly what it was that made that sticky brown stuff?" Holy shit - here I thought my fridge was the only one that did that. Now it seems a little grosser then before....at least before it was MY brown goo. Now it seems it is everyone's | | |
| Geesh...I just love it when you talk dirty to me.. | | |
| Do you have an idea what the brown poo goo is, Chanda? I ain't sticking my hands in that! *at this instant I went in and pulled the drawer out to look* ... and what did I find? nothing, there ain't no plug down there under that drawer! Can we surmise that since I cannot see the goo it is still there somewhere causing a plug up? When I take off the front vent cover I see a little hose and a pan so I suppose my goo goes there? and uh ... perhaps I have to roto rooter that hose thingy? heavens to mergatroids!  where's that fat damn Maytag repairman when you need him? | | |
| I bet you've never talked dirty to a girl in your whole life, have ya? | | |
| My impressions of a fat Maytag man are pretty poor - but what I do know is yes, that hose can get plugged. By the poo goo? That I am unsure of. I would gander, however, the poo goo is lurking somewheres in there | | |
| WHO ??? TAB ???? I should say NOT .... Whatever would give you that idea.... sweet, sensitive, shy, unassuming TAB .... Talk dirty to a woman... Mercy....  | | |
| it may forever remain a mystery too! cause I ain't stickin' my hand in there to find it! | | |
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