What Do You Want to Be for Halloween?

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party.  He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.  A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:


Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief
will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be
just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his Wooden Leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. 

A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover
your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look
the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, soagain he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.  The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:


Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.
Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts,
stick your Wooden Leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.

bahahahahaha

Sunday's ha-ha's for a Monday

Mondays! what Sunday threw up...check these shows out...


A Marine stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky


The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope, along with this note:


Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me."

now that's a great comeback!

here's another chuckle for ya...

The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes, the teacher said: "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude. Where would I be eating?"

After a confused silence, Little Johnny put up his hand and replied: "My guess is you'd be eating alone!"

hahaha!

Butt Scootin' Boogie...

Can only means bad news, right?

Little Annie is so fuzzy that sometimes her 'doodies' get stuck in her fur, and today, she did a butt-scootin' boogie leaving a big fat smear on the kitchen floor, luckily not on the carpet! lol...hilarious...

but then cleaning her up and the mess up! uck! yuck! stinky!


and check this out...

is this not the cutest little kitten ever?

Holey shiz, just when I think I've got the cutest kitten ever, i come across this face...adorable...I want one. I guess if anybody is interested, they need to check here.

What Do You Want to Be for Halloween?

Halloween will be here before you know it, and already Isabella has given thought to her costume this year...she tells me..."I want to be Little Bo Peep."

but not the "goody two-shoes" version...the darker version of Little Bo Beep...

Ah, yes, she wants to be Little Bo Creep...the deviant alter ego of Bo...should be interesting.

So here we are searching online for ideas for a costume, a cross between gothic and horror? and maybe we'll have a black sheep skewered on the shepherd's crook...

Yeah, well most BoPeep costumes are geared for adults (sexy version), or are foo-foo lacy children's storybook themed...finding or making a darker version might require a little research and imagination...We got a neighbor lady who will sew it, we are currently working on envisioning it and sketching it out on paper. I'll take a pic for yuns Halloween, so you can see how it turned out. (barring she doesn't change her mind between now and then).

Stolen from Phil Alexander's parody song, "Find My Lambs For Myself (The Bo Peep Song)" (to the tune of "Keep your hands to yourself" by the Georgia Satellites.) 

Well, I'm out in a field with a Little Bo Peep
We're a-lookin' and a-callin' tryin' to find her sheep
But each time we try - nuttin' each time we call
I mean no mutton, no shittin' nope, we're findin' flock all
I said "Maybe they've been eaten by a lion or a wolf"
She said "Ain't 'fraid of no lions, I'll find my lambs for myself"

Oh, baby Bo Peepie, why're we searchin' this way
I wanna be your lover boy, let's have a roll in the hay
That's when I told her my name is Little Boy Blue
And I've a horn she can blow on (if she really want to)
She said "Ain't funny, you pervy, you blow on it yerself
She said an' she's gonna try to find her lambs for herself

You see I'd had enough of seekin' I was about to give in
That's they started a-comin' back, waggin' their tails behind them
I said honey, these lambs gonna look so good on a plate
She said no mutton, no cookin' these lambs ain't gonna be ate
My lovely li'l' babies won't go on no oven shelf
No she don't feed me no lambs - she keep them lambs to herself!

remember the tune? I hadn't heard it in ever...was it a 1987 hit?

Bry...

damnit.......

Fix that dang comment section on your blog!!!!!!!!!!

I finally figured out where to comment, and then I see the word verification (barely), but then the box is cut off prematurely...so I cannot submit it...its missing! Probably why you are not receiving comments, do you not know this needs fixed??

FIX IT ALREADY!!!!!



hell yeah...I am needing me some fries!! My cholesterol ain't high enuff! At this level, I am a fatty artery waiting to blow! its the salt I crave, not enough Iodine in my diet I think...

and Bry, for a price I'll fix that comment section for ya! that'll be airfare, hotel stay, limousine service to and from your residence, and umlimited access to the frig and potty, plus puter! yeah...

Last Wishes

Here's the question bloggers: 

Cremation, Traditional Casket Burial?  or perhaps you prefer the Cycled Life method...(alkali disposition, what is it? click here). 

What's your choice? 

For me, its cremation.  Not sure I want my remains to be doused with chemicals to reduce me to nothing, but supposedly cremation emits carbon dioxide and toxins and such, and Cycled Life would reduce that; however, I doubt if Appalachia is ready to offer me the Cycled Life option.  I am not sure but I think cremation in my area has to be done out of State, or it was when my ex died. 

I prefer cremation at this point, not knowing about the availability of the other, not because its cheaper, but because I want to be freed, not buried. 

My life has been stifled enough, why do I want to be encapsulated in a horrid casket, and placed in the ground to rot?  Hell no...that is not for me. 

Scatter my ashes, set me free with the wind to travel those places I never got to visit.  Bind me back into the earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. 

Yes, cremation is definitely what I choose.  I do not want to rot inside of a casket, that's just creepy and nasty.  Who cares, you're dead, right?  Obvioulsy a choice all of us will have to make. 

As far as expense, I don't need or want a parade, nor the expense associated with such, as burial has become quite a cost burden for those loved ones already grieving and/or celebrating whichever the case may be.  Maybe you want to leave your loved ones with all that expense, after all they f**ked you all these years...LOL...however, for me, its a personal choice of freeing and/or cleansing my spirit, setting myself free. 

I had my sister promise me she would not bury me in the ground, but rather take my ashes and dispose as requested, then bury my urn somewhere if they needed a "place to flower" come Memorial Day.

So, have you thought about what you want?  Made your wishes known?

cracked out...

I don't know about ya'll but this has been the longest day, EVER...
I've been draggin' my butt all week it seems.

We had some new orthopedic account pop in FQA today; 

I knew this was not going to be pleasurable, 

with the workload already up, and its Friday?

My suspicions were correct; it was

some lady that talked so fast, 

you'd swear she was on crack

slurred nearly every word she spouted out...
half the stuff the MTs either left out or misinterpreted

what a frickin' nightmare!!!

Yep, glad today is over.

however, some lucky FQA will have an even more horrid Monday!

when they will have a new ortho acct assigned to them.

Yes! who will be the lucky one?...
whoever pisses me off, that's who...
right now I have one in mind.

insert *cracked evil laugh* here

Dog Tired Mondays...

acc to wikipedia...

Monday is the most popular day to commit suicide, call in sick, and surf the web in the Netherlands. 

WTH (what the heck?)  

I think Mondays are a great day to sleep in...