"I have come to accept the feeling of not
knowing where I am going and I have trained myself to love it. Because
it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight,
that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we
fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in
the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you
know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”
- quote author is C. Joy Bell C -"
I
ran across this quote when I was out surfing and it got me to thinking,
could I ever accept that feeling of not knowing where I was going and
condition myself to living that way...in all honesty, the last time my
life felt out of control was in 1998 when I went through a bitter
divorce. I picked myself up, and have been working at the same place of
employment since that time. I've been in control of my life, so I'm
not sure how I would cope with not being in control and just drifting
into uncertainty. Choices lead us to a place of contentment, which is
where I am now and have been for years now. I think we all get to used
to the life we have created for ourselves and any change undoubtedly
could be scary, especially when talking about finances.
At
this time of the year, I am struggling to find the joy, or enjoy this
vacation time, as company cuts are coming once again, and I find myself
inevitably dreading the start of the New Year that could possibly find
me unemployed. The week before Thanksgiving we were told to take any
vacation time as we could not carry over 40 hours anymore but only 16
hours. I've seen people I thought more necessary to the company than
myself get whacked with a phone call on payday. I am nobody special and
I don't have a big fancy degree or title or power. I've cried over
cuts for those I've lost as coworkers. I have managed to keep a job
despite numerous cuts ... but the dread is always there ... and the
dread messes with your psyche, like being in limbo, its like a slow
death that you know its coming... its just the uncertainty of when.
The
#1 focus is to move all work offshore and they are almost there. My
people are running low if not out of work esp in lieu of the fact that
the last of our accounts will be transitioned offshore this month. I
believe myself to be a strong individual and a survivor, so why would I
need to fear this dread?
my only answer is my fear of falling...into the unknown.
For
now...I'll try not think about it. I'll listen to Einaudi instead.
There are no words to describe the feelings of his music...its pure
bliss ... I'll just close my eyes and let it take me away to perhaps
that place of contentment...a most beautiful place with no worries.
I feel for you my friend.
ReplyDeleteFree falling is scary for me too.
Maybe because the last time it was for me was during the bitter divorce for me as well that we think we built up this world of permanence - but it has been a see-saw all along.
It won;t be as hard this time, I guarantee it, when the flood came and I became jobless, it was a thought of - okay, not as bad, I got this.
Girlfriend - You got this!
hey girl, its so good to see you here. I lost the link at Blogstream to reconnect on facebook. I think I got this on a strong day; some days not so strong. :)
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