Isn’t it tragic how two words as innocuous as lonely and sad can encompass a wide range of emotions? When thinking of you now, lonely comes to mind. How lonely you must have been before and I wonder now, are you lonely now? I wonder what feeling if any, will come over you when you realize that I am no longer present anymore in your life.
I had spent so much effort and desire on you. I wasted nothing in telling you how much you meant to me… months came and went and rarely did you ever go without hearing a word of love slip from my lips; I tried to show you in every way, shape, and form that I possibly could that I cared deeply, truly, madly. I tried to ease the loneliness I felt you had in your life.
Nights of sleeplessness spent calling to you, longing for you. Somewhere, back in the deepest reaches and recollections of my memory I remember you telling me and I confiding in you of my feelings of sadness and loneliness. You and I both know the feeling of unlovedness, as we have known one another's touch, I am alone still.
She shares your life. Alas, she is not me. And I am sad because I know this fact is real, not imagined. She is there, I am here… alone and lonely for you ~ for the scent of you within my nostrils; lonely for the weight of you against my body, in the confines and security of my bed… and I think to myself how fortunate you are to have found someone to share your life, because it has not happened for me. I quit searching for a partner to share. I waited for the one man that I desired ~ you.
Your scent is almost gone now from within the folds of my mind. I know your scent, even without the physical reminders of it. The scent of your passion burned into my mind and left an indelible mark that can never be erased. Though your scent has faded in this present, it will remain strong, within my heart and mind.
Even as I wait for the impossible dream to come to life, I know that you are not what I need in my life. You are the fantasy and the reality that I love; I will always love, but a fantasy nonetheless. So I'll file you away in my memories that have accumulated over the past few years… there you will remain with the other sweet things that touch my heart.
damn it...why can't I just hit send?
Funny I had posted this on a Blogstream blog a few months ago and wanted to move it here and while having this blog open and placing in my archives, this song came up playing on the finetune box over here! strange...
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I have been temporarily distracted by a shiny object. Go ahead you know what to do!