rain, rain, go away ...

 

so the kids can go out and play!  ... I went to visit my daughter and son-in-law, and see my new grandson, Connor, who will be exactly 2 months old tomorrow.  She also has a 19-month-old daughter, Taylor, and visiting was her husband's six-year-old, Caiden.  The kids were a little stir crazy not being able to go outside and ran the length of the house, squealing and playing, while daughter is sitting trying to watch a movie ... Dad is rolling with the punches ... he has the patience of a Saint ... daughter has learned to drown out the noise...

ahhh ... the days of parenting the small.

while I enjoy visiting and playing with the kids, there is that joy in being able to leave them and come home to my otherwise quiet and peaceful domain!  No noise, no interruptions, just an otherwise lazy rainy Saturday afternoon to bask in my own interests.  :)  ... I think I'll make some brownies and have that second glass of wine!

I hope you are enjoying your Saturday.

Rain...Rain...and more Rain...

 

all day long ... makes for a lazy Saturday.  I suppose I could have worked for OT since it was offered but I'd much rather laze on my day off.  Besides taxes eat up any money that I'd would make.  I'd have to work at least 8 hours to even feel like it was worth it.  I just don't want to give up my time.  I'd much rather blog and listen to music while the rain hits the air conditioner outside my bedroom window.  The rain used to soothe me and still does, but it does bring up bittersweet memories of past loves.  After all the rain is only good for one thing ... making love.  oh yeah, and April showers bring May flowers, right? haha...and isn't this the last day of the month? wow, it has flown by. 

a little bluesy jazz sets the mood ... "ain't no sunshine when 'love's' gone...."

...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cD65IUlS4Ug

there is a time for love and a time for letting go~

In some aspects of my life, the sad is ending and new beginnings are always hopeful.  A recent liaison I was hopeful might blossom into something wonderful came to screeching halt, so while I am mourning that, I embrace the fact that life goes on.  I was never good at goodbyes or endings, and with endings came the demise of a site on Wordpress.  So long sweet friend, a lot of heart scattered into cyberspace with nary a trace of me; its time I soul cleansed, and begin again. Doesn't mean I won't miss you, and maybe you'll miss me just a little.  

My granddaughter who will soon be 14, will be coming to live with me.  She has been in a treatment facility for a few months, and I am welcoming her home with open arms.  The relationship with her mother, though tumultuous, is not a constant drain, as she is out of state.  I'm not sure how this will play out with granddaughter, but I keep telling myself that is her mother, my daughter, so I will need to find both courage and kindness to find the balance.  My daughter still fantasizes the notion of having her "family back intact" despite the years that have come and gone and the damage that had to be repaired.  I doubt granddaughter will ever trust her mother enough to live with her.  For now, I will fight for granddaughter ... its time to focus on where she is going in her own life at the tender age of 14 (May 27th), blaze her own path, live her life independently from her mother, at some point if she wishes to live with her mother then so be it.  She will be an adult in a few short years.  I wish my oldest daughter well, but giving up my granddaughter to an "unknown" seems a costly price to pay for a kid who never deserved the hand she was dealt.  She needs to be a teen, hang out with her friends, have a nice summer, and get enrolled in high school; the best years of her life are yet to come. Her mother needs to let go.

Its been a rough six years, off and on.  While oldest daughter has survived drug abuse, losing her children, she now is doing well, and I wish her well, as one day the knock on her door may be her own child.  I hope she keeps preparing herself for that day.  My youngest daughter has moved from an abusive and dysfunctional relationship with her father to now being married to a great guy who has the patience of a Saint, and she now two children, both under the age of 2.  Looking forward to watching them all grow in their love of one another.  Unburdened and happy in his life, is my son, also an adult in his 40s, living life with a wonderful girl he was smart enough to ask her to be his wife.  I thank him for bringing me such a wonderful daughter.  I do try to count my blessings. 

I don't know what the future holds, but love will guide the way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4PKzz81m5c

Merry Christmas, my blogger friends~

 

its been a long time since I blogged with any regularity.  My interest in doing so waxes and wanes...depends on the season or perhaps the reason.  Nothing much changes around these parts.  I miss some of my old friends here .., Mr. C where are you?  Sherry, Scratchy...people who used to blog at Blogstream.  Those were fun times.  Time passes.  I have been thinking of childhood and Christmases past, always nice to reminisce.  Wishing you a very happy and joyous Christmas.

Merry Xmas Ya'll...

This year Christmas just came up so fast, and it just doesn't seem like its Christmas at all.  Even the weather in eastern Ky is unseasonably warm.  Things are out of sorts right now.  Granddaughter is displaced out of the home, as is her brother still, and their parents flew off to California to escape their drug-infested life here so they could avoid condemnation by everybody whose life they tried to destroy.  Sad truly.  Hard to find the Joy this Christmas in this mess of a brood.  

My younger daughter appears to be riding the bipolar crazy-assed train, being mean to her husband and not engaging in the holiday in any form.  They are struggling to make ends meet, and while I understand, I had hoped she could just find a little joy in the twinkle of her 15 month old's eyes, as this her first real Christmas.  But she has pretty much been the Debbie Downer today sucking the joy out of everbody. She wanted me to  jump her car and give her gas money so she could just run out and run the roads with her baby in the car ignoring everybody.  I feel sorry for her husband.  She is making his life miserable and all he ever does is try to love her.  Sad. At 23 and pregnant again she should be a little more mature.  That's what gift her Dad gave her, the gift of spoiling her her whole life.  I was the wicked mother who didn't put up with that crap.  Now when hard times hit she can'tcope.(update:  I called to find out how things were going and her mood seemed to have improved perhaps what I said finally got through to her, anyway I was happy to hear she is engaging and going to her in-laws this evening).  

Personally for me, without having my grandson and granddaughters here and no personal love in my life, its rather quiet, but I rather like it quiet.  I don't need people to necessarily feel validated or fulfilled.  I won't let others impose and bring their drama to my table, especially grown adult children, and on that happy note, Merry Christmas eve to you and yours! :) 

Happy Thanksgiving, ya'll

 

always rushing the season.  Heck! the Christmas parade was before Thanksgiving?? I just don't understand why.  The world has gone mad.

Hark! Who Goes Here?

 Its been forever since I wrote anything of substance in this blog.  Life sure has a way of sucking the blogging life out of ya, doesn't it?  My day is a blur of work, taking care of kiddo, making dinner, drinking a green concoction 2x a day, falling aslseep at 10 (if I last that long) and starting over again the next day at 7 AM.  Life should be so boring and mundane but that's my life right now.  

Tomorrow I have a mammo and an ultrasound due to a knot I found in my right breast.  Lets keep our fingers crossed its nothing to worry about.  I've been feeling rather tired and run down, the reason why the concoctions started.  Believe it or not, after only a few days I do feel better.  Nothing like a little wheatgrass, spiruluna and cacao powder greenish black cocktail.  Nasty to look at, not so bad to drink if you disguise it! hahaha...

In other news, Sister is getting married this weekend in Hamilton, Ohio, getting ready to go up Friday; however kiddo has cheerleader tryouts and this is IF Dan the Man gets my car fixed, nothing major, bearings in a pulley he thinks.  He's ordering the parts tomorrow and says he can get her done in time to travel on Friday.

So what's new in your neck of the woods?  Go on, I'm listening.....

the dream...

 

It was as if two raindrops flowed together as they ran down the glass windowpane... in each a view reflecting the other, a pattern weaver passing it's shuttle between the threads of a silent longing, too far away to touch.