“How far you go in life depends on your being tender

with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the

striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your

life you will have been all of these.”

- George Washington Carver

I want what is best for Isabella and have her succeed in life.  I try to keep it in my mind at all times that Isabella has been through a lot already in her 9 years.  It seems like here lately though, since her mother has been back in her life, she has been more out of sorts, screaming and fighting at me over attempts at disciplining her, or when she doesn't get her way over something, even to the point of her physically hitting me.  Her mother has interfered in my attempts at disciplining Isabella, not seeing how she 'babies Isabella" because she was not around for a while, and its a honeymoon period between the two of them right now.  She will call her mom and tell her I'm mean to her or I hit her, even when she leaves me no choice but to have to physically restrain her from destroying property or throwing things around.  Attempts to physically spank her end up causing her to be more out of control. Its not just physical, its the verbage too.  She just keeps ranting, spewing out hateful stuff, I'm at my wits end and ready to seek professional help for her.  She needs to learn healthy ways of dealing with anger, and she has to learn to deal with being told 'no' and accepting the consequences for her bad behavior. 

I've also had to take a long look at the behaviors exhibited between her mother and myself.  I do think my daughter has influenced Isabella telling her she is going to get her back soon, and they are going to live in some fantasy world, with her "daddy" home from jail, etc...also making the statement "all I want is my son back," which implies to Isabella that she is not as important as her "brother" is to her mommy.  I figure there is a strong correlation here, the love/hate relationship between Isabella and her mother, and my love/hate relationship with my grown daughter (Isabella's mother).  We do not get along that well, despite her being clean and off drugs presently.  While Isabella is a child who takes things to heart, her pain started a long time ago, and her mother cannot acknowledge this.  Truth is my grown daughter does make a difference between her two children.  Her mother and I have argued and fussed, as mothers/daughters often do, and unfortunately Isabella has heard and seen too much of this kind of stuff.  There is no excuse for adults behaving badly in front of children but the reality is, it does happen, even at my best efforts to thwart it off.  God knows Isabella has lived through enough of that stuff when she lived with her mother/father and in-laws.  On more than one occasion, I have asked my grown daughter to leave my residence due to her out of control verbiage directed at me.  Like her own mother's lack of control, once Isabella starts spiraling out of control, she cannot seem to sidestep it.  It appears that boundaries are being crossed and I feel overwhelmed sometimes in this "tag team" of irrational behaviors.

 

Isabella is not a child you can tell "go to your room" and she just picks up and goes to her room.  She will defy you, look for ways to get back at you, or physically hit you or throw things around, threaten to tear stuff up; then after that's done and she has exhausted those attempts, she asks that any punishments be removed once she is acting okay, taking no responsibility for her actions when out of control.  Its a contest of wills around here, and right now I feel as though I'm losing.